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How I got pierced and learn living with it.

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Below, you will find my body piercing story. It is not focusing on the body modification itself, but on the way I feel about it and how these feelings evoluated during the years. To some readers, the story sounds maybe a little bit naive, but I wanted to tell the story because I am convinced that there are other people with the same feelings. As I learned from own experience, recognizing your own feelings in someone elses story can be very revealing...

When I was 9 years old there was a girl in my classroom which got her ears pierced. It was the first time in my live that I really realized that an earring was not just an ordinary piece of jewellery. An earring goes THROUGH your ear and I was really fascinated by the idea.

Having an earring myself as a boy at the age of 9 was out of the question. Living at the country in a quite conservative region I even didn't have to ask my parents because I knew the answer in advance. But the fascination grew...

At the age of 13 I pierced my ear with a sewing needle. I remember the sensation when the needle went through as it was just 5 minutes ago. It was in the middle of the night and I stayed looking in the mirror for at least 2 hours. But... I had no jewellery to put in and the next morning the hole was almost gone. I ended up with very mixed feelings: I knew that I really wanted to have my ear pierced and on the other hand I knew that my environment would not accept it. And being a quite sensitive and shy young boy I suppressed the feelings for many many years.

But, of course, the feelings did not disappear. Every time I saw someone with an earring the feelings were there again. However, I never pierced my ear again because I was not prepared to defend myself in the struggle against my traditional environment.

Although the main feelings stayed, I started realizing unconsciously that I was never going to pierce my ear again and without knowing anything about piercing as bodyart I started thinking about possibilities to pierce something else which is invisible for every body else except for me. Being an uncircumsised male, I found the frenum a very interesting place. Even if I am completely nude and when my penis is not erect, the foreskin can nicely hide some small jewellery and I must admit... the place has some additional erotic advantages :-).

I hesitated to actual pierce my frenum for several years because I found myself quite a weirdo. Who the wants to pierce his dick? I really struggled with very mixed feelings, but finally when I was 24 years old (1992) I did it!!! I pierced my frenum with a safety pin which left there for several days. At that moment I was completely unaware of piercing as bodyart and I didn't know anything about body jewellery, but I realized that an ordinary earring was an unsuitable piece of jewellery at that place. From 1 mm stainless steel wire I made a very small seamless ring which I have worn for several years.

Was I satisfied now? No, because in my own opinion I was doing very strange things which kept me feeling quite uncomfortable about the piercing. Sometimes the piercing feelings were dominant and I wore the ring and other times I felt very weird about myself and I removed the ring.

With my introduction to the internet in 1994, I found the rec.arts.bodyart newsgroup and BME. This was really a revelation for me. Other people were doing similar and a lot heavier things than I did. I learned a lot about piercing, piercings and jewellery in a very short time and I started feeling more comfortable about my own piercing. Although I never spoke to anyone about my piercing, I knew there were other people with piercings at other places than ear and nose. It was a great relief for me.

Was I satisfied now? Yes, until... I met my first girlfriend in 1996. A very nice and lovely girl (she's my wife now), very open minded, but completely uninterested in bodyart. The holes in her ears were even healed because she didn't wear earrings for many years. I had to choose between telling her about my piercing or removing the jewellery. And I chose for... removing. I was absolutely convinced about my choice never to wear any jewellery again and trashed all jewellery I collected and made myself over the years... except for one small barbell which I hid between my electronics stuff. That was already an indication that I was not as convinced as I would like to be.

After all, I am quite surprised that the barbell left between my electronics stuff for almost one and a half year, but after reading an article about body piercing in a mainstream magazine, the virus was definitely back. I just became curious whether it was still possible to slip something through the hole and yes... the safety pin and the paperclip went through without any damage. From that moment on, I started wearing the barbell sometimes for a couple of hours when I was at home alone, but I felt very uncomfortable about having this secret for my girlfriend.

About 2 months before our marriage, we were chatting about our relationship and getting married and suddenly my girlfriend asks me: "Do you still have any secret for me?" and I answer "No". Fortunately, I am a very bad liar and she saw immediately there was something on my mind. Because this question came quite unexpected it took me a while before I really told her what I hid. And her reaction was one of great relief, she even smiled. Afterwards she told me that because of my long hesitation to tell it, she expected something really terrible such as leaving her, having someone else, having AIDS... so it was really a relief for her that it was just a small hole in my penis.

She asked a lot of questions about it and became very curious. When I showed the inserted jewellery, she admitted that it was a little bit strange but not as terrible as she expected. She told me that it would take some time to get used to it. Later on the evening she told me that she really loves me for what I am and not for: the way I look, my clothes, my car, or a penis with or without a hole. She was really happy for me that I finally told it and she told me that she never would stop me in being myself.

Since I told her, about 8 months ago, I have been wearing the barbell all the time and it took just a couple of weeks for her to get used to it. I asked her uncountable times whether she still had any problem with the piercing until she answered:"I think I have less problems with it than yourself." That answer made me thinking for a long time and probably it was a correct answer. For her it is just a fact that she accepted almost immediately, but for me it has been a source of frustration and suppression for many many years and probably the complete acceptance will take some more time.

At this moment I realize that I'm very lucky to have a wife which accepts me the way I am. Her acceptance certainly makes it a lot easier to fully accept it myself, but on the other hand I'm not able to admit to anyone else that I like body piercing because I am still afraid for peoples reactions. The place of the piercing does not ease the subject, of course.

The main conclusion of my story is that suppressing feelings, whether they have something to do with body piercing or not, is a very bad idea. I suppressed my bodyart feelings for about 20 years and came to the conclusion that the longer you suppress feelings the more complicated it gets to accept them, but I think I am on the right way now.

A happily pierced Jef. (It only took about 20 years :-))

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 01 May 1999
in Ear Piercing

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