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Reclaiming Myself

At the moment it is the beginning of March 2007, late last June I decided to get my nipples pierced. It was a personal decision and changed my life and my outlook on it immensely (the first experience is linked to my IAM page if you would like to read it ). Around mid November my right piercing started rejecting and as much as I didn't want to, I had no choice but to take it out. About a week later the remaining one also started rejecting. Sooner than I had ever imagined, my piercings were gone.

I had known that I would miss them, I even wished that I didn't have to take them out, but what I wasn't expecting was what a strong impact it would have on me. Each day I carefully cleaned the crusties off the empty entrance and exit, slowly seeing them heal up. My nipples didn't harden or stay permanently erect. Instead they turned back into my naturally boring flat nipples. I felt as though part of me had been stripped away.

Today I got my nipples re-pierced. I've been waiting five months for this, and that alone is five months too long! I didn't tell my mother about my appointment, instead just told her three hours before the appointment that my tattoo artist had phoned and she wanted to see my tattoo and schedule a touch up session. This would have been believable if my mom hadn't insisted on coming in with me. Nicely done... I know, I should've told her...I still should've told her what I was really got done (confessed to an ear piercing).

Upon entering Soul Survivors (the piercing and tattoo parlor that I go to), I was handed a clip board of forms to fill out. Unlike any other time I put off filling it out to the best of my ability, clutching it to my chest, with my arms crossed over it. I basically pretended that it didn't exist while my mom and I flipped through the flash that was on the wall and then filled it out quicker than I'd ever done before and passed my id to the counter girl so it could be copied down. I told my mom countless times that I was getting my tongue ring changed and when she asked to come in and watch I had said no. Thank goodness they don't allow friends to come along with you!

When BJ had finally called me in I hung my coat and purse behind the door and hopped up into the chair. There was the usual small talk before he mentioned that he didn't get the 10gauge barbells in yet, however he did have several nice pairs of internally threaded 12gauge barbells. I had chosen to go with a larger gauge because of the rejection the first time around. Smaller gauges tend to be recognized as slivers or foreign matter by the body so it forces them out- aka: rejects them. Larger gauges are recognized as wounds by the body so it tends to heal them rather than rejecting them. Also the body rejecting a larger size (in general not with my 12gauges), would usually cause more damage than it would to heal. BJ told me that the 12gauges should heal much better than the 14gauges that I previously had, but said he would get the 10gauges in just incase I needed them changed if any problems arose.

I sat in the chair fully calm and fully clothed as all the tools of the trade were gathered. I looked over my shoulder and watched BJ prep the needle, taper and jewelry on the little silver tray. It was actually pretty interesting to see everything all laid out before the procedure, I've even promised myself that one of these times I will ask what each little thing is for (I'm usually too chicken to look when he explains it all I have no idea what's what). Sooner than I had expected BJ was ready to clean and mark the area (probably would have been sooner if I hadn't been chatting so much). At that point I stood up, took off my sweater and bra. I had been wearing a skimpy tank top underneath the sweater so I just slipped my bra off and kept the tank on. I'm beginning to notice that despite my hate and tendencies to compare my breasts to huge celebrity tits I really don't find it too terribly difficult to expose myself... Anyway, I kind of squished/held my boobs up for easier access (so I'm 19 with terribly saggy breasts, so sure me!), and was cleaned and marked. The cleaning goop made my nipples tingle just the slightest but it soon faded. Once I was back in the chair everything went pretty quick. He started with my right nipple; clamped, pierced, taper, jewelry. The clamps were more than bearable, only being able to compare the feeling to and elastic twisted around your nipple...except not even as bad as that.

The needle felt the way my nipples look, I don't mean any joke by that, it's just what I associated it with... the sensation of the needle reminded me of the texture of my nipples. The taper was just a bit of pressure and I couldn't even tell when it was exchanged for the jewelry itself. As the pain numbed out and faded away I got used to the slightly aroused, slightly exposed feeling of hard nipples. It felt like it would last forever and part of me had wished that it could. BJ pierced my other nipple and although it hurt just a bit more all my care and concern was gone.

While he cleans off the bit of blood that's on my newly pierced nipples we discuss the healing and proper care. I already loved them , life was sweet. I redressed and BJ asked me how I liked the 12gauge in comparison to my old 14gauge ones. In reply I stated that I loved the larger gauge but hoped that they wouldn't reject this time. I was assured again that if anything were to go wrong he would hound the suppliers for the 10gauge and in the worst case scenario he would use 8gauges. This statement hit me as somewhat bizarre but in complete honesty the more I thought about it and rolled the idea around in my head the more appeal it had. BJ agreed that the piercings were rad, telling me that 12gauges had made my nipples nice and beefy. I thanked him profusely, briefly discussed future piercings, then went out and paid. My mother was waiting patiently and without confessing to my newly pierced nipples we left the shop.

I've only had my beautiful nipple piercings for a few days now and I already feel so different. Unlike the first time that I had them done, I haven't gone around telling everyone that that I got them done. I feel so mysterious and somewhat like a femme fatal... and I am FAR from a femme fatal! Having my nipples pierced and no one knowing makes me feel really confident about my body. I know that I'm not a typical 'hot chick', I know I'm not even one of those sexy plus sized girls, but I feel that despite my submissive nature, I could go out put on a corset, some jeans and boots and just go get a guy.

My mom was somewhat mortified at my first adventure into nipple piercings. Amazed that I, unattractive, overweight, non-primped me, would actually show my breasts (big and pale above everything else), to a guy to have pierce them. Then again, she's been hounding me about my weight since I was a child and I don't really find it unusual that someone seeing my body would appall her. ... Except I'm not hideous at all. Don't get me wrong, my wobbly bits wobble more than others but I can be attractive! Having my nipples pierced reminds me of that. It's like wearing lingerie just for yourself or going to the spa for a day. My piercings help me remember that I'm sexy in my own way. Guys don't come running up to me and beg me to strip, but I've had my experiences. That realization, that despite all opposing opinions there have been people who have seen me naked, wanted to see me naked, and liked it. That is a marvelous feeling to have and it is locked up inside my barbells only for me to know. Like a lover's intimate whispers that make a person's skin flush, my piercings have given me back my sexual identity. I am finally able to say-I love myself today!

Since my nipples are naturally flat with the curve of my breast without the piercing I've been making sure to wear my bra at all times when I'm awake. I've been letting my body get used to the weight of the jewelry before doing s crazy cleaning routine, however when I do start one it will strictly be sea salt soaks for a few minutes a few times a day. I had previously purchased lavender tea for bruising and soreness so I'm planning on using some after my stretch to 10gauge.

If you're contemplating having your nipples pierced I highly recommend it for a wide variety of reasons! Have fun piercing and remember to love yourself!

Until next time,



submitted by: Bondage-Kit-1
on: 29 May 2008
in Nipple Piercing

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Artist: BJ
Studio: Soul+Survivors
Location: Winnipeg+Manitoba

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