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Stupid Piercing Tricks #37 (aka How to Play With Your Food)

Play With Your Food AKA Stupid Piercing Tricks #37

AKA How to stretch your nostril piercing to 16ga and get a meal out of it by BIFFSTER!@!!111 Ingredients: Vermicelli (or "thin spaghetti" should work, too.) Olive oil (I like "Virgin" or "Extra Virgin" Greek or Spanish oils) Garlic (4 cloves [or more]) Salt (preferably sea salt) Sandpaper (220 grit - "Fine") Fill your favorite pot with water about 2" (4cm) from the top. Add a teaspoon of salt (5mL) and a splash (1TB/15mL) of olive oil. (The salt increases the boiling temperature, and the olive oil keeps the pasta from sticking.) Bring to a boil. While waiting... Take a strand of spaghetti. The normal size of spaghetti I get is almost exactly 16ga, and "regular" spaghetti is closer to 14. Spaghetti is torsionally very strong, but linearly fairly weak, and we can use this to our advantage to file the spaghetti down to a taper point. Break off a short length (about 4"/10cm) of the spaghetti, and hold the sandpaper in a "U" around the sides. Gently twist the spaghetti while holding the sandpaper about the end. If you don't twist too hard, you can file down the spaghetti fragment in fairly short order into a nice taper without it breaking. When done, briefly wash under cold water (to remove the grit), lubricate with olive oil, and taper your favorite piercing to 16ga (or 14 if you have thicker spaghetti). When you've inserted the spaghetti as far as it needs to go, you can simply break off the end flush with the surface of the piercing and insert new jewelry. (I imagine spaghetti would also work as a retainer, but would get kind of nasty in short order after bodily fluids soften it up.) By this time, the water should have come to a boil. Ladle out a bit into a convenient bowl, add more salt, and stir. (You can then use this to soak your probably-irritated piercing when you're done eating.) Put spaghetti in pot. Boil about three minutes or until al dente. While spaghetti is boiling, sautee garlic cloves in more olive oil. (I use a lot of garlic, because it supposedly promotes healing - but mostly because it's tasty.) Drain spaghetti, toss in garlic and oil, and eat. When done eating, soak affected piercing in the retained (and now hopefully warm, but not hot) water-cum-salt solution. Since this experience is too short, time for filler (aka "the real experience") I pierced my nostril with a 16ga needle and with a 18ga niobium nostril screw from Anatometal. I didn't use forceps (neither Pennington nor Huntington) but merely used the good ol' "cork in the nostril trick" - my nostrils are sufficiently small that the cork fragment fit rather snugly. I've found that nostril piercings bleed like the dickens, especially when using a gauge larger than the jewelry itself, but I think it made a definite improvement on the healing time. The piercing itself wasn't too painful (far less than my nipples, say), but the gouts of blood were mildly disconcerting. Healing itself was fairly painless. Interestingly enough, there was little in the way of discharge, it didn't really get crusty, and keloiding seems to have been kept to a minimum. In fact, I didn't even have to fool around with soaking the nostril piercing. Since the nostril tissue really doesn't stretch that much, I think the initial larger-gauge needle quite helped in that regard. At about T+3 weeks, I accidentally snagged the jewelry while toweling off after a shower, and the nostril screw came most of the way out. Other than a "Ow! Crap!" reaction, everything seemed just fine - no rivers of blood, no damaged tissue - just "how do I reinsert a nostril screw when still addled by sleep". It is now T+5 weeks, and I have just pulled the little "file down the spaghetti" trick [and no, I didn't really have spaghetti this evening; however, that is indeed how I usually prepare it]. After taking out the jewelry and getting everything ready, I noticed that there wasn't any closure of the tissue or tightness upon intitial insertion - very good signs that it's healed almost completely as I'd had a bitch of a time when I had my septum pierced and the sucker would start to close up within thirty seconds of jewelry removal. (My tongue just did the same thing, when I was trying to upsize to 2ga from 4ga, and I had to go back down to my 6ga jewelry.) All in all, I was rather pleased with "spaghetti as taper"; in making fimo tapers in the past, my main problem has been getting a consistently round taper - and spaghetti manufacturers seem to be far more accurate than me at making consistent cylinders.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 03 May 2000
in Nose Piercing

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