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Secret Septum

been thinking about getting my septum pierced for a while, but I didn't actually go through with it until my friend Katie asked me to pierce her nipples. I told her she should just wait till she turns eighteen, but she would not listen. She said that she would just go grab a safety pin, so we figured out what to order and made a list to appease and stall her. I told her to sleep on it and do some research. Sure enough, she realized how much can go wrong with nipples, and decided to go for a pair of helix piercings instead (which I could almost do in my sleep). Well, I'd already been suckered into doing my septum, too, so we ordered everything, and it arrived two days later. I pierced Katie's ear, ate dinner, and went to sing for the Catholic Ladies' Association of BFE, Massachusetts (with a venom, no less). When I got home, we set up to stick me. I had forceps and a receiving tube, but I wasn't sure which I would use. I eventually decided to go with the receiving tube. I practiced the placement a number of times with a straw and the butt of a 14G sewing needle until I felt a little more at ease. With Katie as my assistant, after Dial, gloves, Betadine, and alcohol, I was ready to go. Katie opened the needle packets for me (my receiving tube was a 6G needle with a cork on the end) and I got my hands in position. It was harder to find just where I wanted the needle to enter because A) there was no mark because I wouldn't be able to see up my nose to follow it anyway and B) I couldn't touch the needle to my septum before actually pushing through, the way I could with the end of the sewing needle. I kept saying, "it's not straight, it's not straight," and Katie was telling me, "it's okay, babe, it's straight. You can do this." So I did it. It pushed through remarkably easily (and painlessly, but that could have just been the endorphins), so easily in fact that I wasn't sure it had gone all the way through. I kept pushing and the needle slid easily until it hit cork. I removed the tube and exhaled. For a minute I just stood there thinking, "Wow, there's a big piece of metal in my face...and I look good!" I know they tell you that it's a reflex for your eyes to water. Well, at first my eye watered a little, but then tears poured from my nostrils. It was really pretty strange. Oh, but they tasted good on my lip, especially compared to the alcohol which had been there a few moments earlier. I took the retainer from the alcohol it had been sitting in and let it air dry for a moment. (N.B. Fresh pierce + rubbing alcohol = excessive profanity.) I followed the needle until it fell and then turned the jewelry down into place. I had mixed feelings because once the retainer was in, not only was it a little uncomfortable, but I could see that it was slightly crooked. My cheerleader (God bless her) let me know that it was going to be fine once I had a ring in - that no one would notice it. Then I got to thinking, "who cares if people notice that it's crooked anyway? I just did this to myself. I fucking rock, and if anyone thinks otherwise, they can go sit in the corner." I flipped the retainer up as far as I could, which was probably the hardest part of the whole thing besides the nerves when the equipment first arrived. We oo-ed and ah-ed over its invisibility, and Katie went home. I went to bed. So there it is. Here are a few things I learned from this whole experience that I'd like to pass on to you, dear Reader.

Get pierced with a retainer. Beads and balls are bitches and hoes with new piercings. However, internally threaded CBB's are probably far less obstreperous than CBR's. Septum retainers are not meant to be flipped down and are infinitely more comfortable when worn up. The black-colored retainers really are invisible. You can stare up your nose and everything. I'm not sure how it would be to hit cartilage, but if care is taken /not/ to hit it, it's quite bearable. Don't touch, turn, or play. Don't change the jewelry. Don't pick your nose. Don't pick other people's noses (this is not considered socially acceptable behavior). Not only will it hurt, but it will also increase the likelihood of infection and impede healing. Wait until your nose has healed before picking it. Even better, blow your nose, Einstein! What are you? Seven? The bigger you smile, the more it hurts. When putting ladies' undergarments on your head, avoid snapping the elastics on your sore nose. Aftercare, /aftercare/,

AFTERCARE. Should I spell it for you?

I plan on leaving the retainer in for a while. Katie and I are the only people to know about my newest piercing, and I kinda like it that way. Even my roommate slept right through it. I'll pull it down when the time is ripe, i.e. in a situation when I want to intimidate scary men or attract beautiful girls by looking like a hot bull-dike. Basically, whenever I go out dancing or drinking. Until then, it will remain shrouded in mystery. So it goes.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 11 March 2000
in Nose Piercing

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Artist: Radio+Princess
Studio: The+Princess%27+Chamber
Location: Western+Massachusetts

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