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Self done cutting/labia reduction.

I am writing this story about my genital cutting as a way of allowing people to understand more about me, what makes me tick and why people get certain modifications.

A few years ago, in my early twenties, my life was pretty dim, I had dropped out of university and ended up in a dead end job. On top of this I had fallen in with the wrong crowd. I was addicted to alcohol and had been prescribed anti depressants.

As a result of this I felt that there was little to support me. My boyfriend at the time was not much help either, he was constantly critical of my tattoos and piercings of which I had 6 tattoos and I think 5 piercings.

As you can tell my confidence was quite low. Around my 23rd birthday I began to self harm by trying to make cuts on my arms. Nothing too much at first just a series of scratches almost. I felt that the pain was quite relieving. Gradually though like an addict the pain I got from little cuts became too little, I needed more. Scratches turned into cuts, I began to use a scalpel.

As time went by I basically ended up with one of my tattoos destroyed and my arms covered in scars. Few people noticed and those that did did not mention it only give me weird looks.

Gradually as I sought help things got better, it took a while but I stopped cutting myself or at least it reduced.

I still suffered with issues surrounding my body image. The said boyfriend used to comment on my genitals and the excess skin I had on my labia. This was a small issue at first but gradually built up and up.

I consulted my doctor but in England where most people don't have medical insurance it seemed that the NHS would not provide labia reduction surgery unless it was medically needed.

I had considered genital scarification and ritual cutting as a form of body modification prior to my self-harming. Gradually the idea grew on me that I could do it myself or at least cut the skin and make it less apparent. I guess it would be a form of DIY surgery.

Back then I was unaware of sites like BME, I only had my own intuition to rely on. Sometimes the thought of doing it felt weird, at other times stupid.

My main concern was that if I did it I would fall back into my self-harming days. A few people will no doubt be thinking, what's the difference? The answer to this is, in my opinion, control. People who choose to modify their own bodies are free to do so, the problem lies when you can't control it and it gets out of hand.

After about 9 months of thinking about it and realizing that in my job I could never save up and pay for the op privately, I decided to go ahead and do it on my own.

I purchased some scalpels of different sizes from a local shop and some sterilizing fluid in an attempt to do it as safely as possible.

About a week later I decided it was a good a time as any to do it, I finally plucked up the courage. I shaved and waxed the area and attempted to sterilize it as best I could with what I had bought.

I sat in my bathroom on the floor and removed the scalpels from the packaging. I was extremely nervous, my hands were shaking, not a good idea when you are about to try and make a cut in a sensitive area.

It took me quite a long time to settle down, one I had calmed I used my left hand and pulled back my left labia, with the scalpel in my right I started to make the incision from bottom to top.

The scalpel was very sharp. I felt little pain at first it was more like a stinging sensation. Once I cut about half way up the pain began to get intense. I don't know if it was my body reacting to what I was seeing or if it was just my impression. I quickly as best I could made the rest of the incision and to my amazement I had removed part of my labia.

The next issue was to stem the bleeding, there wasn't as much blood as id thought but there was still quite a bit.

I decided at this point to leave the other side for a later date! The pain was just too much without anaesthetics.

I dressed the wound and was practically unable to walk from the pain.

I changed the dressing daily and it looked to be healing nicely, the cut is a little awkward but as I'm not a surgeon I guess it would.

About a month later I did the other side, I decided that I would make the cut as quickly as I could and hopefully it would reduce the pain. It seemed to a little, but the cut was harder as I was using my left hand.

The cut on the right side was not as well done, it healed well. Both sides took quite a long time to heal, walking was a problem.

There was also a little swelling that reduced after a couple of days. The scarring however took a lot longer.

I'm happy with the results, it took a lot of courage, it hurt and would have been better professionally done but I had little choice.

Since then I have also split my clit hood, but that's another story.

I would advise people thinking about this to think long and hard about why and how they are doing it and whether the risks are worth it. For me they definitely were and have helped me overcome body confidence issues.

Modifications such as this are often frowned upon and viewed as deviant or associated with negative imagery. Remember however that it is your body and you may do with it as you choose.

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 13 March 2008
in Female Genital Surgery

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Artist: Myself
Studio: Home
Location: Manchester

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