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Probably A Bit Ambitious For My First

I am laying on a folding table, the pink plastic cushioning sticking to my back. The smell of technicare and whatever was used to clean the table fills my head.

"Are you ready?" Nickk asks, as he pulls on a fresh pair of blue gloves.


I am exceptionally excited, my normally busy brain silent and focused on the task at hand. Eight purple dots mark where the hooks will enter and exist my chest. Four point chest suspension, probably a bit ambitious for my first, but the only way I want to get my wings.

Nickk starts pulling at the skin on my chest,

"Okay take a deep breath in and out..."

The first hook slides in like a knife through butter, the quick sharp intensity of the needle pushing through and then out lights up in my brain like a flare over a black ocean.

I think about the events leading up to this. The suspension is my gift to myself for my birthday, the most selfish, intense, beautiful thing I could ever want. Last year for my birthday I tried desperately to set up a suspension, but it didn't work out, and in the year since I was waiting. I didn't know what for.

"Would you like another?"


Nickk looks into my face, I smile and slow my breathing. The second hook is a bit rougher, I feel distinctly the pop of the needle exiting, a burn and a sigh. A small stream of blood trickles lazily from the first hook.

My friends are here, Courtney is holding my hand, Laena and Jonas are both taking pictures, as is the beautiful Mandalyn, Nickk's helper and lady love. I feel beautiful, important, loved.

"Would you like another?"


Third hook, my adrenaline and endorphins make every instant intense and memorable. I smile, cameras flash.

My first experience with hooks was an energy pull, two vertical hooks in my chest. I pulled a rope over a pulley. My head back, my eyes closed, throwing myself into my head, I knew this was my version of praying, my spirituality. Everything made sense because there was nothing else but the moment, the feelings, my body and my brain perfectly matched up with nothing and everything all at once. I am always flailing in a dark ocean. Flares to look at, flares to swim to.

Nickk has a way of making you feel like the most important person in the world. He offers the last hook, I take it. It burns. He wipes a way a little blood.

My chest is on fire, my head is lit up like a sunrise. I sit up. Everyone looks at me, a little concern in their eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm great!"

I stand up, the table is moved, the rig is lowered. Pictures of me and Nickk, laughing and jokes. I am so happy I sing...

"I am going to flip your hooks now..."

I don't even feel it. Tugging as the hooks are attached, the strange sight of my skin rising without my flesh. I want up so badly.

Pulling, pulling, the pressure gets more and more intense, and I feel like I am staring into the sun, there is nothing to see, my eyes are closed now, but there is light. I ask for my friends hands, grasping them tightly, and soon I am up on my toes, teetering around, most of my weight on my hooks. I don't know how long all this took, there wasn't really time then. I say:

"Okay, so I am going to count to three, and on the count of three, I want you to pull up in one steady motion, okay?




And I'm up. Later I would be told that I pretty much jumped up. I panic, my breathing rapid and shallow...

"Breathe, just breathe, you are doing fine..." I hear Nickk, he sounds soothing.

My feet cry out for the floor. I tell them no. I force myself to breathe. I try to put my head back, but there is so much pressure, a forced shrugging sensation, my shoulders, my neck, my lungs, all pressure. I try to relax, but then I ask to come down.

"I want to try again... I need some water..."

The water is the most delicious water in the universe. I look into Nickk's eyes.

"I think I am going to pass out... right now..."

Dizzy and nauseous, my head spins and my vision darkens...

I feel like I am gone for a long time. I see images like in a movie, the first one twice as long as the next, each jumping to the next, getting shorter and shorter like rapid cut scenes until images are flashing by instantly and at a ridiculous speed

and then I see everyone crouched around me looking very worried. I am off the rig, my hooks are still in.

"I'm okay. It's okay. How long was I out?"

"Ten seconds maybe. You lost two hooks."

"Thanks for getting them back in while I was out. How long was I up?"

"Ten seconds maybe?"

"Sixty percent of people pass out at their first suspension. But then they have no trouble when they go up again."

"I want to go again."

I drink some more water and get my head back together. The dream I had while I was out was with me. Every nerve in my body is draped in gossamer light, my head is empty in the best way, I am here.

Nickk hooks me up again, and again I start pulling, my friends holding my hands, up on my toes, chest thrust forward like a body being pulled towards heaven, every moment on continuous and singular at the same time. I am the only one who can ever know this, yet I know there are a lot of people who feel something like this, or maybe it is nothing like this. So very mine yet so very not.


I am up again. Now it is the surface of the sun. I swing, I cry out. There is nothing but me.

"I want down!"

I am drained.

I look Nickk dead in the eyes,

"I'm done."

For now.

Thank you Nickk!!!!


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 16 June 2008
in Ritual

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Artist: Nickk
Studio: pinktissue.biz
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