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After years of waiting I finally played

So looking back where did it start? Well I first discovered BME after reading an article on mods in a magazine when I was 17 and I was fascinated. Really fascinated. Nearly obsessed. Did I do anything about it? Not really. As much as I craved mods and piercings in particular I was a middle class boy bound up by expectations of family and school.

For two years I devoured everything I could about mods on the net then decided I would give myself a meatotomy. In retrospect this was perhaps a little too ambitious. I managed to cut about half a millimeter before completely freaking out worried that I was going to die from an infected penis. But I had cut myself and it felt good. I experienced a deep internal feeling I had never felt before. So fast forward four years.

I'd grown up - was more accepting of who I was and I was in a shop with a pack of ten surgical needles in my hand. What size? Who knows, but I had actual needles in my hand. Two whole pounds later and a few minutes I was walking down Oxford Street with them clutched tightly in my pocket. I really couldn't get home quickly enough.

I ran up to my room falling up the stairs and sat on my bed. Where to start? I hadn't really thought this far, I never imagined I would even go through with buying the needles. It was my first play piercing so I wanted it to look good. I decided I would do a run of five down my arm. I went and got the TCP; my mother had put it on everything so surely it must kill germs. I cleaned my hands while in the bathroom and went back to my room. Sat cross legged on the bed and spread out the supplies. Toilet roll, TCP, needles and mobile phone should I start bleeding to death.

I was surprisingly calm, but I felt weird. I was actually about to push a needle through my arm for fun, release or whatever but importantly for no medical reason at all. I'd never been scared of needles and I'd always watched them go into my flesh at the doctors or hospital, but there had always been a medical reason even if I had enjoyed it. I felt like I was crossing a mental Rubicon, I was acting on this strange urge that I had for long repressed.

I opened the packet and looked at the needle which looked more vicious than I expected, a violent little pointy spear. I considered for a second, then placed the needle against my arm and pushed. It went in, really easily and with virtually no pain. I could feel it, it was an unusual feeling, but it didn't hurt. I pushed some more and I had about half an inch in my arm, time to resurface. I pushed down on the plastic and a little tent in my skin appeared. Ah, that hurt. Not massively but it was definitely pain. Another little push and it came through the skin. It felt like the "little scratch" phlebotomists always talk about when taking blood but it was infinitely bearable and importantly I was in control of it. One down four to go. I pushed the next needle in from the other side and then alternated down my arm in a little row. Very soon I had finished and I admired my handy work.

Laying on my leg was a forearm with five needles in it. It didn't look like my arm, I had only seen things like it in the galleries on BME. But it WAS my arm and most importantly I had pierced it. Me, little straight laced boring old me. It felt subversive and it felt like I had thrown off chains. I was somehow more free. A very minor session of play piercing made me feel like I had never before. But there was no blood; I'm not sure if when I had first started the session that I even wanted blood but I had expected it. Now I wanted to see some, just a little, but some nevertheless. So I took a fresh needle, wiped inside my elbow and pushed a needle up into a vein. I pumped my fist and I could see red filling the plastic bit of the needle. A small drop oozed very slowly out and dripped onto my arm. It was easy and felt great.

I felt like I was in my stride and I still had four needles left. Seemed a shamed not to use them so I considered where next. I contemplated trying on my genitals but that seemed a bit of a jump for the first time. So I settled on my left nipple where I decided I would create a little cross pattern. I had read that nipples were generally much more painful to work on so I was expecting some pain. But I really wasn't expecting that much pain and more importantly I never expected to enjoy that much pain quite that much. I was massively excited about being able to control the pain, it got worse when I wanted and it eased when I wanted. Quickly I had fumbled with the remaining three needles and pushed them through my nipple. I got up and looked in the mirror, a slightly angry nipple surrounded by four green plastic tubes greeted me. I was ecstatic. I was in control and I had broken down a barrier.

I'd love to say I've never looked back and I have loads of mods, but I'm still too middle class and constrained. However, my slow progress means that I'm writing this with a nicely healing four day old PA and I've moved on to play piercing my genitals. But more about that in another experience. This is my first experience written so feedback welcome. Thanks for reading.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 23 Aug. 2006
in Ritual

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