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Courage (Finally did it)

I had seen and read about plenty of play piercings. It definitely intrigued me. That is something I want to do. I saw pictures of piercings laced up with different color ribbons. I thought they looked beautiful, however I could not see anything like that on myself. I began to think this would be something fun to play with at home. I looked around a little and found I could get the needles fairly cheap and easily. I ended up using a gift certificate to BMEshop to get a box of play needles. I ordered them and began to think of just what I was going to do. Should I do them straight down my arm, I would think. If I do them alone, my leg would be better. Perhaps I could think up some kind of design, maybe something similar to a star or spiral. I could not stop thinking about it, I did not know why.

The day arrived. I had my package from BMEshop. In that package were several things, among them and important to this tale where the 20 gauge play piercing needles. I could no longer say, maybe someday. The needles were here. I was anxious to give it a shot. The thoughts of when and where kept going though my head.

One day an opportunity presented itself, sort of. I had decided that I would start with just one piercing and see how that turned out. I just needed to dip my toes in the water, so to speak. I had the itch real bad just to see if I could go though with it. My son was happily playing in his bath, so I took the time to grab the box of needles. I got some alcohol and cotton balls. I cleaned my skin off a bit with some alcohol soaked cotton balls. I got one of the needles ready. I tried to take a bit on skin and pinch it up to pierce.

I placed the point of the needle against my skin in preparation for the pierce. Perhaps placing the point against my skin with a tad of pressure was not the best idea. I lost my nerve. I put the cap back on the needle and sat it down. I was shaking just a bit. I started thinking, "I can not believe that I actually thought I could do this." Lots of thoughts and doubts shot though my mind. I would never be able to pierce myself. Then another thought entered my head, "Of course I can do this."

I sat back down with the needle again, and without much hesitation I found a spot on my leg and pushed it in. The needle went right into my skin. I kind of turned it and kept pushing so it popped back out of my leg a few short millimeters away. There was practically no pain. I really started to shake now. I grabbed my camera to take a couple of pictures. I felt I had gained more control over myself. I exercised the ability to push a needle though my skin. It was feeling of self-control many people will never know.

There was no bleeding. The needle went though cleanly. I had no plans to shove any more needles though myself that day. I just wanted to try this one to see if I could. I walked around with it a bit. My son continued to play in the bath. I kept looking down my leg to see what I had accomplished.

After a few minutes I knew I needed to take this out. It would not be safe wandering around the house with a needle poking out of my skin. My son would be done soon and I will need to dry him and get him dressed. I had accomplished what I wanted. I did not even sit down. I just leaned over and took the end of the needle and pulled it right out. Pulling it out left more pain that the piercing, quite a bit more. I capped the needle and disposed of it. When I looked back down at my leg I noticed it was bleeding. There was a nice run of blood going right down my leg. For some reason, it was amazing to see.

Seeing that blood on my leg just added to the feeling of control. I did this. I pierced myself and I made myself bleed. I took some more pictures of the blood. I took more of the blood going down my leg than I had of the needle in my leg. I did not even want to wipe it away. I ended up taking my son out of his bath, and getting him dressed with the blood still on my leg. After I got him dressed, I went ahead and cleaned up my leg. The blood wiped right up.

I used a little more alcohol to clean the site of the piercing. It was nearly invisible. I never even put a band-aid on it. I cleaned it gently in the shower the next couple of days and it healed right up. There was a teeny tiny little scab on what I think was the exit hole. It nearly looked like a freckle. It went away soon enough.

It was very liberating to have pierced myself even with one play needle. It was something I was not sure I could do, and for a bit, could not do. I feel it has opened up more doors for me personally, even maybe spiritually. When I feel the time is right, I shall do more.

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submitted by: aniorange
on: 26 July 2006
in Ritual

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