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A boost of confidence!

I had suspended before this experience and will suspend after but this is the story of my second suspension. It happened at Warner and Karen's Richmond Suspension Social last November. Cere, Jared, and Cameron basically took care of the technical stuff as they were the only three there who I really trusted to do everything clean and correctly.

Someone once told me that you don't always get what you want out of suspension but rather you get what you need. I went into this suspension wanting to have some amazing meditative experience that allowed me to find myself but instead got more self-confidence than I ever imagined possible. I got something that I've been lacking my entire life.

The story goes a little like this...

After hours of watching hooks thrown and people suspend I approached Cere to throw my hooks. He, Jared, and Cameron all agreed to "do me up right" and basically keep things clean since the other group there was not really doing so. Cere threw two sea demons in my back and later rigged me up.

Throwing the hooks was pretty easy. Cere pulled my skin away a few different times asking which was more comfortable and whether things felt even. I was then marked up with some toothpicks and gentian violet. Cere had those lovely sterile packs with everything that you'd need in them all nicely put together. (Oddly enough the other group hadn't ever thought to make those up. Ack!) The sea demons were much more of a bite when pierced than 8 gauge hooks (like those used for 4 points). Cere called them 5 gauge since they are 4 gauge by 6 gauge. The piercing experience was entirely bearable and only hurt for a second.

Once rigged up, Cere asked a question that would change the course of this entire experience for me: "How do you want to go up? You want to walk into it or just be pulled up?" "I don't care. Either way I'm going up.", I replied. "I've got an idea. How about you do it!", said Cere as Jared handed me some gloves.

Pull myself up?!?! No problem. Once I was gloved (Who knows what was on that rope?!?!), I was handed the rope and began to pull myself up. With each slow shimmy of my hands up the rope I could feel "the weight of the world lifting off my shoulders". (That phrase is a pretty good explanation of how I believe suicide suspensions feel.) I could feel the ropes become tense and later the skin in my back pull away from my body. I could feel my heels start to pull away from the floor. Behind me I could hear people cheering me on but all I could focus on was the rope that was in my hands.

I think I heard something like "you're almost there" as I shifted my hands one last time and felt no ground under myself. I kicked my feet a little and handed off the rope to Jared. It is truly an amazing feeling to lift yourself off of the ground...

Once off the ground I was given a little push from Cere and began to spin around like a mad woman. I was kicking off the pole that was in front of me and just generally having a good time. I had to come down after a little while because the swivel beam was making me dizzy. Once I went back up it was the same story again. I was spinning and kicking and having a grand ole time.

It was an exhilarating suspension not a meditative one like I had planned for. I had all of this energy from pulling myself up. I was beaming!

Once I decided to come down Jared and Cameron took my hooks out and I was done. I have a couple blue nitrile gloves with two very large hooks inside, two short videos, and about 50 digital photos to remember the experience by not to mention the memories that are emblazoned in me.

I gained so much self-confidence from this experience because I did something that many people might consider difficult. I think the general population would probably consider suspension difficult let alone pulling yourself up. It is one thing to deal with the pain of suspension but another to embrace it. During my first suspension I was just grinning and bearing the pain but during my second one I was welcoming it. I was accepting it. I was overcoming it.

Both of my suspensions were two completely different experiences where I learned entirely different things about myself. I didn't get what I wanted from either experience but I still felt fulfilled with them both. I gained self-confidence and a strong feeling of accomplishment. I gained something that changed my life and I think that is how suspensions should be! They aren't just some party trick but rather a spiritual journey.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 26 July 2006
in Ritual

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