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my awakening

Name: littlelostrockchick

female / 22

When: It just happened

Artist: me

Studio: home

Location: seattle, wa

I never realized how much beauty and emotion could be held in a small, hollow needle until I experienced play piercing for the first time. I have been a fan of piercing for years now, but up until lately, play piercing was a foreign concept for me. I had read many stories online about it, but never had I really explored the idea of it with myself. Up until recently, I never really understood why I was so drawn to piercing. I understood that I found beauty in the metal against my skin... I understood the vanity behind it. I thought it was that simple. I was naive. No... maybe it wasn't so much that I was naive, but I was pushing away a part of myself that I was not ready to embrace at that time in my life. I never really understood the endorphin rush I received after being pierced. I never really understood my love of the pain.

It all started late one night as I was browsing through BME and I stumbled upon the online store.

"Needles".

My eyes grew wide with excitement. I didn't realize how easy it was to order needles like this. Something carnal called to me. I ordered a box of 25g needles. Out of curiosity. Out of want. Out of necessity.

They arrived rather promptly to my pleasant surprise. It couldn't have been more than a week before the postman showed up at my doorstep with the box. After a quick 'thank you' and throwing my other mail down on the coffee table, I took my package into my bedroom and sat down on the floor with the box. I sat there for a long time, just holding the small cardboard box in my trembling hands. I wanted to make this last. I wanted to really take in what I was about to do. It was my first time. (grin)

After laying down a small hand towel in my lap, I took a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol and drug it against my arm slowly. I took out one of the needles, carefully unwrapping it. I pulled the plastic off, and uncapped the needle. Holding it up in front of my eyes, I let the light from the lamp in the corner of the room dance happily upon its beveled tip.

So many things crossed my mind as I slowly lowered the needle down to my left forearm. I thought about the day's frustration and all the stress that I had been unable to shake from the previous week. I thought about my new love, and how elated he makes me feel when I am around him. I thought about things I couldn't understand about the world; things that I questioned and pondered daily. I thought about my longing to connect with life.

The once cold needle was growing warm against my hungry skin. I closed my eyes and began to breathe in and out slowly. Focus. Focus. Focus. Relax... Love. Hate. Chaos. Serenity. Balance... Balance...

My silent meditation seemed hours long, but only lasted a few seconds. I opened my eyes and looked down at my arm.

"Now."

I pushed the needle against my skin, where it broke into my ever-willing wall of a being. A rush of emotion. Of color. Of life and love and of everything in between. This one simple needle reconnected me with a part of myself that had been missing for so long. A part of me that had been repressed and hushed for years.

I stared at the single needle in my arm as a smile began to spread across my face. Tears? Yes. Not from the pain, which there really wasn't much of. Tears of joy and understanding. Tears that came so effortlessly that I was unaware of their presence until I tasted their saltiness upon my smiling lips. I proceeded to place 5 more needles in my arm that night, and it was there that I started to find myself again. All those parts of me I was once ashamed of, those parts of me that didn't always make sense... they now seemed more beautiful than ever.

Play piercing has opened my eyes to so much. It has helped me heal in a lot of places as well. There is still so much more I want to experience with it. My friend is going to let me pierce him which will be another wonderful experience I am sure. I have never pierced anyone else, and I am looking forward to this very much. It is my hopes that in the future I will be able to explore suspension, where I am sure I will discover even more sides of myself.

This is how some of us grow. This is how I grow. The realization of this is absolute bliss.

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 07 Feb. 2006
in Ritual

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Artist: me
Studio: home
Location: seattle%2C+wa

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