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Why am I so nervous?

Hmmm. Where do I start. Lets see it all started a few years ago when I moved to Phoenix. I was watching an episode of Ripley's with some new friends and there she was. She was a beautiful, tiny little girl with two hooks stuck in her back. Then she started to pull a truck that was connected to the hooks by a rope. I was amazed. I had never seen any thing like that before and from that moment on I wanted to experience it. All my friends thought I was crazy, of corse, but that didn't stop me. Shortly after that I began to meet new people who were into the scene, including Jen, the girl I saw on Ripley's. The best part about it was that I wasn't even trying to meet them it just sort of happened.

Well for the next year or so I did alot of research on suspensions and body modification. This only made me want to do it more and every time I saw some one with hooks in their skin I yearned to have them in mine.

Finally last April, 04' I got my chance to do a suspension. My very first one. I was so nervous but I knew I was ready or so I thought. I arrived at Steve's house with my friend Cory and went through the procedure of getting hooked, which I must say is very cool. I never even felt the hooks go in, I had 4 in my upper back.. Now it was time to hang. Still nervouse, Steve is standing by my side telling me everything that is about to happen. He is very good at making sure you have the best experience possible. When I got up in the air it was amazing at first but then I got nauseous. after 4 minutes I had to come down. The experience it self was amazing and I learned alot from it but I wanted more, but not that night. Then 2 days later I left Phoenix......

Now its October and I'm back in Michigan visiting family members. A few weeks ago I was talking to some friends from Phoenix. They told me that Cory and Amanda were going to be coming up to Detroit with Life Suspended to do a show at the Theatre Bizarre(an annual halloween party thrown by some really awesome people. you should check out their website www.theatrebizarre.com .) I was so excited to see my friends again. I got in touch with Cory and asked him if they were going to need any help with their show. He wasn't sure but said they may need some people to do a tug of war. I told him I would love to do it and just let me know what was going on. They came into town the night before the party and I took them out to my favorite club. I was talking to Amanda and she was telling me that she was probably going to be doing a tug with some guy named Patrick. I was really bummed out because I had been preparing myself for this all week. I kept my fingers crossed in hopes that he would flake out and sure enough he did. The next day was crazy. I was running around all day trying to get ready for the party. I felt wonderful but was really nervous. I kept thinking about what happened with my suspension and wondered if I would be able to handle pulling against another person. The idea of having to be on stage infront of a couple thousand people didn't help either. I don't do very well on stage.

Then the party started. I started to get a little scared. We were going on in a few hours and I wasn't sure if I was ready. I didn't let any one else know this. I wanted to try and fight it. I knew it was all in my head and that I had to just get over it. I wanted to do this and I was going to no matter how scared I was. Then it was time for hooks. Steve put in Amanda's first and I as I watched my heart started racing. Then it was my turn. I kept asking my self why I was so nervous. I'd had hooks put in before what makes this any different. At least this time it was only 2 instead of 4. Again, I didn't feel the hooks go in. They attached the ropes to the hooks and we walked up towards the stage and got ready to make our entrance. Amanda was asking me if I was ready. She new I was nervous, I think they all did but I said yes. She gave me a couple of warm up tugs and then it was time. She walked out on stage and I followed her.

It had been raining earlier that day so the stage was kind of slippery. Not good if your trying to pull against some one. I had Cory and Mike standing in front of me holding my hand so I wouldn't fall , or get pulled off the stage by Amanda,hehe. And then we were off. The first initial tug was amazing and at that instant I knew I was ready so I gave it my all. I was pulling against her with all I had. I was even holding on to two people so I could pull more. I could hear people yelling in the background. It was so cool. There was a couple of times when I thought she was going to pull me to the ground but the guys made sure that didn't happen. We tugged against each other for almost 10 minutes. When were done we received a big round of applause made our bows and headed off stage to have the hooks removed.

For the rest of the night and the next couple days I felt like I was on a different planet. I also realized that it's okay to be nervous and scared. It almost makes the experience itself that much more exciting. Being able to do something to something makes you a much better and happier person. They should do this stuff on FEAR FACTOR, hehe.

I was so happy to be able to experience that with Amanda. I feel a bond between us that can never be broken. I can't wait to get back to Phoenix to see all of them again. Amanda and I might even go for round two.



submitted by: Anonymous
on: 17 Nov. 2004
in Ritual

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Artist: Steve+Hayworth
Studio: at+the+Theatre+Bizarre
Location: Detroit

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