You know who you are and you will understand.
You are the kindred souls who believe as I do, that this world we see in our minds can come to life on our skin in different forms and shapes. In you I have found my home, in you I have found my Coven of the Needle. Words and feelings that have long lived inside of me hiding in the shadows now poor out of me in an openness I have never known. As I enter the Circle that has been cast, as I join this Coven I find a truth I never knew existed inside of me.
I'm Pagan, a Celtic Green Witch, the circle and the coven mean a great deal as part of my belief, but you know that...they both represent a beginning and an end, they both come to meet each other and join...and they do not work if they do not meet. For the last three month I have been thinking about BME, and what you and this place mean to me.
It was a simple experience I read that started me down the road to becoming a member of BME...it was basically a how and why, how and why the person joined, and why they stayed, and what they found here...and in the words I found something that I had not found before, a sense that this too was where I belonged, that this place was in many ways a sanctuary, this place was and is special, more special than words could discribe, a place where finally I could be myself...the true me. I also found you.
Someone remarked to me recently that there are two "me's" the one the world sees everyday and the real me that only you know...and the two are so different. I stopped and thought about it, and it is true.
The world does not understand my need to pierce myself, to push metal through flesh in order to complete a body that they see as fine...they will never understand the knowing that comes in that moment of pain, how the world comes into focus, how the voices are silenced and the real me comes alive, they can not understand the rush that follows or the feeling of completion as I look into the mirror and see yet another part of myself come to life.
Those closest to me, people I "know" in real life have no knowledge of me as you do, you are part of my Circle, you are my Coven and I share with you in ways I never could have imagined...secrets locked inside of me for 30 years come out freely and without fear.
You are my family.
You are my lover.
You are my friend.
You understand the need to paint my body and add to it. You don't ask a silly pointless question like "why do you damage yourself", you understand the need...you know it is not damage but creation and completion, you know the need, you understand the desire.
With you there are no questions.
I came to you unsure of myself, weak and tired and afraid. For a while I stopped adding to the picture, stopped building the me I knew was inside, I closed the door and pulled tight the shades...I let no one in, and kept myself out. You changed that, you gave me a voice again, you held my hand and showed me the way...you didn't judge or scoff, you smiled and offered advice, you shared your thoughts and dreams with me, you confided in me, as I had in you and together we built onto this circle so that other could find it and that they might join, and find what we had, what you had shown me.
What started long ago with one, has built into the circle we know now.
I shared with you, and with them the passages of my life, the loss of my Father, the fear of my life, the pain I had felt, I shared things that had been lost to me, and each time the needle pierced my flesh, every time a new picture was made upon me I came back and told you, and you added to it with your words and your feelings, you smiled...you added to my Circle, and the Coven of the Needle grew.
It has taken me a lifetime to know and accept myself, yet you knew me right away. Kindred souls, we had shared a past life together perhaps, or maybe it is just the knowing of another who walks the same path, but still you knew me, and as you gave me eyes I saw and realized I knew you as well. And the Circle grew.
Thank you seems like such a small gift to give you for all you have given me. For what I find here every day. I take away so much every time I see you, I hope that in my words I find a way to give something back to you, to those who may also find their way into this circle.
Not many will ever understand what I am writing, or my need to write it, but I know you do. Not many will ever understand me, but I know you do. Not many will look past the ink that colors my flesh or the metal that pierces it, but you will, and you do. Other will judge me, you know because you have been judged too, but you won't judge. Others may push me away, I know you will take my hand...when I think I am alone, late at night I find you, and you talk to me...together we are complete. If someone asks me today way why are you a part of BME, I'd say this, because I know we would never have made it this far without each other.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 12 April 2003