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I was up and then I was down

I have been a member of BME since mid-October and have found myself enjoying becoming part of a community. I have had friends that have done suspensions several times and honestly up until about two months ago I would have never considered attempting one. Through reading stories and experiences on BME I found myself developing a desire to attempt a pull. I immediately signed up for the Suscon event in Rhode Island that happened a week ago. I found myself a pull partner and was ready and excited for the event.

While I was at the event I had the opportunity to witness several suspensions. They were beautiful experiences and each person I talked to after had nothing but positive things to say. By the evening of the second day I decided that I would attempt my first suspension. I decided that I wanted to do a suicide suspension (four hooks in my upper back). Throwing the hooks was the easiest experience of the entire weekend. The members on each suspension team, The Rites of Passage, Iwascured, and TSD took the time to analyze my back and where the best place was to place the hooks. They made sure to use latex-free gloves since I stated that I had a latex allergy. After cleaning my skin with Technicare they marked my back up to determine where the hooks would be placed. They asked me how I would like to get pierced. I told them to do it at the same time and that I would take a deep breath and on the exhale they could pierce me. The hooks went in like a breeze.

Afterwards I was feeling very nervous, but members of the team took the time to explain the whole process and what I would expect, how much pain I would experience, and ways I could help myself relax. The time came for me to suspend. I had a friend stay with me the entire time which helped me a great deal. I was rigged up and asked how the tension was. After some adjustment they began to pull me up, slowly at first. I maintained my breathing despite the intense pain that was going through my back. I was told that the pain would ease off in a bit and then I would be ok. With one final pull on the chains I was lifted off the ground. I was overcome with the most intense feeling I had ever experienced. Half my back was throbbing and burning with pain. Suddenly I felt dizzy and the room started to get dark. I was able to tell my friend that I was about to pass out in enough time....then everything went dark.

I awoke in and out of stages of passing out with my head between my knees. My forehead was pouring with sweat and I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. A cold wet cloth was placed on my neck. All I could see was hand in front of my eyes as I was passed glucose. Someone behind me stated that I was going into shock. I was more concerned about being a failure for not being able to stay up rather than being concerned about what my body was experiencing at the time. It seemed as if time stood still. All I could hear were voices above me, I no longer felt that I existed in my body. Someone behind me removed the hooks from my back, commenting on how my body temperature was dropping and that I needed to be warmed up immediately. I was moved under the heaters in attempt to help my body overcome the shock. I had several people sitting with me, talking to me, and feeding me OJ and glucose.

I have to say here that everyone on the suspension teams treated me very well and responded to the situation with experience. Several of them kept checking on me to make sure that I was OK. Several people who were at the event were very concerned about the episode and approached me later to see how I was doing. I was reassured by numerous people that I was not a failure, that I did get my feet off the ground. I feel this is the moment when I realized what a true community existed before my eyes. I heard several difficult suspension stories and was told that the next time would be so much better for me.

I most definitely want to do another suspension, although I do not think I will go suicide right away. It was a difficult first experience, but I am aware of the whole process and know what to expect the next time. On a positive note, I felt great the next day and decided to do my pull despite the events of the day before. This was a much more positive experience for me and I even did two pulls that day. My pulling experience is something I will elaborate on at another time.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 06 March 2003
in Ritual

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