Finding something out about myself, story of my first suspension.
First, a little background information on myself: My name is Aaron, I am 18 years old, somewhat small (140Lb), a long time member of BME, modder of all interests, photography student, and relatively heavily modified guy from the Detroit area. I had sought out suspension since the age of 15-16.
After weeks of mental preparation, the day was finally upon me to do what I had sought out for over 2 years, my first suspension, a 4 point suicide. I chose this style of suspension, because it if often regarded as one of the easier ways to go up for a first timer. I was quite nervous, not because I thought something was going to go wrong, but because this can evoke great emotion from a person. We had an extremely knowledgeable, and professional group putting on this "Suscon".
I was the third person to go up that day. Around 11:45am I found myself sitting shirtless in the cold metal chair being prep'ed to get pierced. I had many thought rushing through my head at that moment, some were about what I'm about to endure, some were about life in general. I was surprisingly calm considering I had been up most of the night with this on my mind.
A few minutes later I felt them grab my skin slightly, and say "alright, deep breath in, out, in, and... pierce" There were my first 2 hooks, after a few seconds I was ready for my second 2. Once again, I heard "alright, deep breath in, out, in, and...pierce" and there were my 3rd and 4th hooks. The feeling was incredible, instead of pain, I was just overwhelmed the feeling of accomplishment. Now, it was time for the second test, hanging.
I had to wait a few minutes before I was able to actually suspend, so I went over and picked out a CD to listen to while hanging (system of a down, toxicity), the just walked around, getting used to the feeling of having hooks in my back.
When my time came, I went over to the rig, got attached, and started my deep, repetitive breathing. I had one of my best friends coaching my through everything, so I felt very safe. We started off by getting the tension out of the rope, and adjusting to the proper position. Darrin (my buddy/mental coach) took my hands, and started slowly walking my back and forth, taking slack out of the rope with every forward movement. After a few motions I was at the point where I could just kick off, and I'd be up hanging, but I was in so much pain, I just couldn't bring myself to do it just yet, so I stood there for a minute or with as much tension on my back as I could without being lifted into the air. After the delay, I determined it would be a lot easier for me to get over the mental block of actually hanging, if I stood on a chair and slowly stepped off.
I slowly crept up on to the chair had been put behind me, so as to keep tension on the rope. After standing on the chair with Darrin right in front of me, helping me out mentally, I did it, I stepped off the chair. For the first five of so minutes I was in excruciating pain, and felt very unstable, so I had Darrin standing there, and I had my hands on his shoulders to keep me stable. Breathing was pretty difficult due to the tension of the skin on my chest and back. Mentally, I was in a great place (perhaps my prime), now I had to just get over the physical pain.
Suddenly, my body pulled a 180, and it was like the pain was substantially reduced. I told Darrin, I am set now, and he can step away, and I just enjoyed the feeling for a moment, mentally going over all that I had achieved over the last 10 minutes.
The next hour was just a blur to me. It felt as if I was only up for 5 minutes, but when I heard the CD start over again I knew I had been up quite a while. The hour I was up consisted of swinging like crazy, photographs, drinking plenty of lemon water, bullshitting with friends, and just enjoying the euphoric state I was in.
Before it was time for me to come down, I had one last thing I had to do, I had to lift another person, my girlfriend Jenna to be specific. The put a chair a few inches in front of me, and she stood on it, putting both of her hands under my arms, and up onto my shoulders, the slowly both legs around my hips. The pain in my back increased quite a bit, but not as much as I thought it would. I could only hold her up for about 30 seconds, because I was in fear of my back ripping, but in that little time I felt very connected to her, on more than a physical level.
Now came the time for to come back to reality. The slowly lowered me, while Darrin stood in front of me to keep me stable, should I fall over. When the hooks started to take a different position in my back, they started to hurt like hell. Finally after being up over an hour, I was on the ground, and sadly, back into reality. Not saying my life if bad at all, just everything seems...better...while suspending.
I was cut down, and left on my own for a min, as I wished to be. I spent the next few minutes on my knees, just reflecting on everything. Physically, I felt great, mentally I felt even better. My hooks were taken out, I was cleaned up, had all my air pushed out, and was ready to go.
The few days after my suspension were EXTREMELY painful, I had trouble just walking around. Laying, and especially sitting were also quite uncomfortable. But it wasn't really a bad pain, it was more of a constant reminder.
After my suspension everything in life (especially the things that were bugging me) got the volume turned down. I felt more confident that I have a LONG time.
In conclusion, traumatic stress discipline is a wonderful thing, but it is not for everyone. If you wish ton contact me, my AIM is Gitrgod25, iam, bullgod2481, or BullGod2481@hotmail.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 22 Jan. 2003