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How I got here, and why I stay.

How I got here, and why I stay.

Before BME:

I guess I'm basically writing this for myself, as a reflection of how far I've come since my first experiences with body modification.

I first came into direct contact with body modification back in grade school when one of my Aunt's friends thought it would be a great idea to take an ear-piercing stud, and push it through my lobe. Not the greatest way to go about it. But it was a start nonetheless. Shortly after that, much to my surprise at the time, it became horribly infected I had to remove it. Attempt #1 failed

My second attempt to "modify" my body was when I got my nostril pierced at a hairdresser. At the time, it was the trendy thing to do. And I did it for that reason. I had no idea whatsoever that people used body modification for any other purpose than aesthetics. This piercing lasted about an hour. When I got home, I was given the choice of removing it myself, or having it ripped out. I chose the less painful route.

I didn't think much more about it. Until my friend Chris, his girlfriend, my girlfriend and myself went to Ottawa, so Chris could get a tattoo. We stopped by the shop Universal because Randi (my girlfriend) wanted to get her tongue pierced. I saw the piercer there, the list of body piercings that she performed. And I was amazed. I had no idea that you could pierce more than just the face. Or that people even wanted too. That got me slightly interested. But I left it at that.

After her tounge was pierced. We went across the street for Chris to get his tattoo. After watching that, I decided I wanted one as well. I had the artist draw up a shirt tag that said "CDN Made" and I got it. It was my second tattoo. My first being a self-done tattoo.

About a year after that, a tattoo shop opened up in Brockville. I wanted to get more Canadian tattoos. At the time, for some reason I thought it would be a great idea to cover myself in them. So I took label from a Molson Canadian beer box, and had them put "Canadian" across my lower back. After that I became addicted to tattoos.

While I was there getting my tattoo. Someone came in to get his nipple pierced. And I decided that was going to be the next thing I did. As I just started working at McDonalds, and visible tattoos, or piercings were not allowed.

BME / Before IAM:

I wanted to do some research about it first. So I got on the net, and I started looking for online resources. I came across BME. I surfed that for a bit, and I realized that I had been there before with Chris. He wanted to show me some of the naked pictures on the site. (Yes, I guess its safe to say my first contact with BME was to look at naked pictures). I read some experiences about it, and decided that it wouldn't be a complicated piercing to get.

I waited until my tattoo healed, and I went down to get my nipple pierced. My friend Terra came with me, to get her navel pierced. We were in and out. I'll never forget the feeling that I walked out of there with. It was the most intense feeling I've ever had. I instantly fell in love with it. And how it made me feel.

I again logged on to BME. Looking for aftercare, and other things. I found a link that said if I wanted too, I could submit pictures and get a free membership. Free is good. So I did it.


After about a week I got a email from bme saying that I had month free access to the site. Surfing bme more because of said access. I came across iam. I hadn't had a web page for quite sometime. So I thought I'd sign up for that as well. Free is good. I had no idea what was in store for me.

I started my page, and about an hour after that, I got my first message from another iam user welcoming me to IAM. Then another, and another... Slightly confused, I replied to them. Set up my page, as best as I could at the time.

I was amazed. I was now part of a small community (at the time there were probably around 5000 members on iam). I felt instantly at home here. I met some wonderful people, made friends quickly. I found people who had similar problems. (I just recently broke up with Wiyanna), I was hurting, scared, depressed, and a bunch of other things. And I finally had an outlet for that. I found people more than willing to listen, and offer advice.

I wrote what I was feeling in my diary. I didn't have to worry about what other people would think, or say. I began to realize just how true it was when people told me this was a safe place. Slowly I began to heal. And become a little more involved in the community than just using up bandwidth.

After going to my first bbq. I decided that I needed to find a way to say thank you to Shannon for everything positive that had been happening since I joined iam. I was scared to talk to him (I'm an incredibly shy person), so just saying thank you in person was going to be a challenge that I didn't want to face. After some thinking, and more surfing around BME, I saw that people actually got the logos tattooed. That was how I was going to do it. No better way to show how much I loved this place than to permanently make it a part of my life. I made an appointment, talked with my tattoo artist about it, and slightly changed the design around so it wouldn't be like everyone else's. Paid the money, and that was that.


Everything basically stayed the same for me after I became part of team bme. Except that I instantly felt more connected to bme/iam than I had ever felt before. It became a permanent part of my life, just as I had planned. And I was able to say thank you.


While at my first bbq, I had my first contact with suspensions and flesh pulling. I wasn't sure what to think. But I did know that I was someday going to try it. I felt that it was something that I had to do. If not for any other reason at the time, just so I could say that I had done it.

The September 2nd bbq was approaching, and I talked it over with my friend Chris, and he wanted to go. He had heard all of the great things I told him about the first one I went too. And I found that he would be interested in doing a flesh pulling with me. Great I thought. As I was really unsure about doing it was someone I didn't know. I messaged Phil about it, and I asked if it might be possible to do one. He told me to find him at the bbq.

Chris and I were defiantly excited to be going to Toronto this time. It would have been his first time there. He picked me up at work the night before, the plan was to sleep at my house, leave early the next day, and see some of Toronto before we went to Shannon's house.

Those plans quickly changed once we were back at my place. And we left around 12am. That turned out to be a slight mistake. As it was about 3am when we got to Toronto. Not knowing what we could do. We found a place to park the car, and we tried to sleep. We woke up, drove around a bit, and parked our car close to Shannon's house, and went on a tour.

We took the subways, the buses. Not knowing were we were going. We got very lost. But had an awesome time doing it. Took us forever to find our way back to Shannon's house, but we got there in time for the bbq to start. We saw Phil setting up at the suspension tower, and I talked to him. He said that we could do it. We roamed around the bbq for a bit, did our pulling, and I knew right then and there, that it wasn't going to be last time I did something like that.

And it wasn't. Almost a year later, I was fortunate enough to attend Suscon2 in Toronto, and do a suspension. Thank you to everyone involved in that. It was one of the best times of my life.

Friendships / Relationships:

I think this is going to be the hardest part to write about. There are so many people that should be mentioned, or need to be mentioned. Everyone that I've come into contact with because of bme has changed me in some way or another. I'm not sure even were to begin.

The first people I ever met from iam were: satanthecat, and AEK. They let me stay in their hotel with them, when I went to my first bbq. But some of the strongest friendships came after the bbq's. When I'd message people saying that I was to shy to say something to them in person. Mars was a perfect example of that. We've since become close friends. Through her I met BodModBetty, |Tribal|, Martini, people that I've become good friends with. How could I forget violetsoda.

I started talking with Gagetgirl, and we decided that we would meet at the May bbq. She arranged that for us to stay with Vegan jonny, and violetsoda before and after that bbq.

I had a blast that weekend. I couldn't even begin to recount everything that happened. But it was all a wonderful experience.

The Canada Day bbq came long, and again I was staying with Vegan Jonny, Violetsoda. I arrived in Toronto. Called Morbid MI's cell and made plans to have dinner with her and thesolo. During dinner we realized that we had a crazy waitress. Who out of nowhere, came and sat down with us. She started talking to us, like we were old friends. It was quite insane.

We walked around Queen Street for a bit, and we met two other iamers on the street. Talked to them, told some nasty dirty jokes, and had fun. I called Jonny, to find out if I still had a place to stay, and got the room number, and the address to the hotel. I had no idea what I was in for when I arrived.

I met Rainbowgurl, and Punkyfish. I knew that rainbowgurl (not sure if I spelled her iam name correctly) would be staying with us, but I had forgotten about Stephanie. We ended up getting along pretty good, played strip connect four, and having sex on videotape. Suscon was early the next day, but we stayed up for more than most of the night. I went to suscon, and suspended. I ended up having to leave early because I wasn't feeling very well after my suspension. (I was tired, and it was really really hot there). I went back to the hotel, and fell asleep. I got woke back up when Stephanie, Marie, and Caitlin came home after going to pride. We talked fooled around a bit, ate, and got ready for the preparty.

This time around, the pre party was a little more interesting. I finally was able to meet bellbotsarebad, and her new girlfriend Emily; I reconnected with Blake (thatsenseofpar). I met some other people. I was quickly falling for Stephanie. I ended up drinking, and Blake was kind enough to take me for a walk as I was starting to get pretty stupid. And he calmed me down lots. For that I thank him.

Not much happened the next day at the bbq. It was too damn hot in Toronto. Stephanie and I ended up leaving early to go back to the hotel and sleep. We had planned on going back the bbq, but we didn't wake back up until everyone came back in. We had a small after party. Which was pretty much the best night I've had with bme people. The next day, we all parted ways and went home.

Soon after that, Stephanie and I started dating. We made plans to go to the Aug.11th bbq. That was the best bbq I've ever been too. The most personal, it was small, everyone had fun, and we got invited to a smaller private party the next day at Shannon's.

The small private suspension party at Shannon's the next day... Wow. There was a beautiful lotus suspension, I almost hit Shannon's corvette with Stephanie's car. I met the crazy old lady. Lori, Emily, and Blake showed up. And after that was over we all went for dinner. It took us forever to find a place to eat. But we finally found a restaurant. Which by change had horrible service. Some guy tried to sell us flowers; the waiter almost lit himself on fire. Lori and Emily both had to send they're food back twice.

But it was a great time. Good friends, and great conversation. What could be better? We closed off that night with a very long drive back to my house.

About two months after that, Stephanie and I had a messy break up. But in retrospect, I had a great time during those 4 months, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. But if that wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't be with the person I'm with now (Tovie).

Why I stay:

BME has become a very important part of my life. It has become one of the few stable things in my life. I'm happier, and more confident than I was before. I've met the most wonderful people on the planet because of it.

There are really no words that could describe how much it all means to me.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 01 Jan. 2003
in Ritual

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