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The Start of My Addiction

 I've been doing this for years. Since I was 13 years old to be exact. When most people were trying to find alone time to jack-off, I was trying to find alone time to do what felt like surgical procedures. My first time was when I noticed a growth on my upper right buttock (almost on the meat of my hip.) My mother said that it was a mole, and that it wasn't anything to worry about. For some reason, having that thing on me really bothered me. I don't know why. I planned to remove it myself, and again consulted Mom, who cautioned against this act. She said that it would spread and probably grow larger. I doubted it, but she trumped me with her vast experience as a registered nurse, which I couldn't refute at the time. I decided to ignore her warnings and do it anyway. She had removed splinters and such from my feet as child and I remembered her ritual of preparation.

I waited for the moment when I was alone, and collected my instruments. I laid the rubbing alcohol, peroxide, cotton roll, electrical tape, surgical scissors and the sharpest steak knife I could find. I put my tools in order according to how I thought I would need them. I remember washing the blade and turning it over and over in my hand. The thought of cutting myself was fearful but arousing. If I flicked the blade in the right way, maybe I could remove the mole in one motion. I played out the motion over and over in head, and each time I had to breathe deeply to steady myself. I turned on the stove, and heated the knife until it was red-hot. I remember the sizzling sound it made when I poured the alcohol over it. I pulled down my pants and cleaned the area with alcohol and then the peroxide. I purposefully tried to move without stopping from step to step. I squeezed the mole with my left hand as I held the knife with my right hand. I couldn't do it. I put the knife down, and thought it through again. Something was needed to stop me from screaming, so I went searching for an object to bite on. Biting on wallets like in the movies is based on B.S. Mine was definitely too hard. A clothes pin on the molars felt better, but again was just too hard. I settled for a rolled up washcloth, and went back too my operation. Again I heated the knife and poured the alcohol. This I tried to hurry myself through it. I imagined that I was a doctor removing the growth from a patient and this kind of imaginary detachment helped. I squeezed with the hand and quickly cut with the right hand. The blood didn't spurt how I expected it too, but it hurt like s***! To make matters worse, I poured peroxide on top of the wound hoping to stave off infection. I danced around like a idiot, with my eyes filled with water. Eventually the pain turned into throbbing, and only then did I dear look at my handy work. I had cut most of the mole off, but a very small slanted portion of it was left. This would never do! I couldn't use the knife on it again, and quickly thought about using a toenail clipper! That would be easier then cutting anyway!

I washed the clipper, and then burned it like I did the knife. I used a Q-tip to clean the inner parts with alcohol. I placed it on the bloody stump and CLIP- it was done! A kind of relief came over me, and I had to sit down. I cleaned the wound and taped pieces of cotton to it. Over time it healed pretty darn well. I couldn't stop thinking about it. My skill increased with time and with the removal of other moles that were starting to appear. Eventually I began to play with the patterns that cut flesh can make when it heals. My first pattern was comprised of a set of swirls that I made on my right leg. Again my instrument of terror was a hot steak knife. I used a cookie cutter to press the swirl pattern into the skin of the side of my thigh. I pressed hard enough to cut, but I am not sure if it was more of a burning action.

Afterwards, I recall seeing the lines look split open, but it could have been from heat. I showed off my creation to my small group of friends. Surprisingly they thought it was cool. Movies like the original Rambo, had made such an act to be hardcore and really cool. Somewhere after this a friend had showed me how to make home made napalm. We tested it in the woods and it backfired in a finger cauterizing experience. I got a terrific idea from this. More to come!!!

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 31 Jan. 2008
in Scarification

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Artist: Myself
Studio: Backyard
Location: Carribean

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