My Star Scar
I never used to think I'd ever get a scarification... I liked
the look of them on other people, but never thought that
that were for me. Part of the reason for this was that I'd
had a problem with self harm. To me, my scars were not
pretty things, they were things to be ashamed of that I had
to work on hiding away. A show of emotional weakness.
Something to be embarrassed about. Also, I like bright
colours. If I'm having things on my body I don't like them
to be plain and simple. Another reason was I never wanted my mods to be associated with self harm, and always made sure there was a boundary between them. I wouldn't play pierce or get pierced or suspend when I felt upset or unhappy in any way. I always made sure things were done when I was happy and content. As cutting was something so associated with self harm for me, it was something I couldn't do as a bod mod. So I thought that scarification
wasn't for me.
As time went on, through hearing various people I respected's opinions, seeing other people that I liked not being ashamed of their scars and a councillor that I only realised gave me wise words after they worked, I became less ashamed of my scars and saw them more as battle scars, something that had passed and would fade with time. It seeming less of a dirty secret made me less want to cut once I knew I could. Because of this I became more curious about scarification as a body modification, as something positive.
I was talking to one of my friends who had a piece, and he was telling me about how it felt having someone cut, how its so much more intense and different feeling having someone else cut, because they go over it, and how its more unbearable. A lot of mods I've got out of a curiosity. I like to know what things feel like, whether or not I could do it. I started to get a curiosity in the back of my mind about what it would be like getting a scarification done, what it felt like, how looking after it would be, whether I could make it stand out nicely. I didn't think too much more of it though, because there was no design I liked for it in my head, and I wanted something that I would like and look pretty. However much I was curious as to what it would feel like, it wasn't totally about that. It was about the whole thing. So it remained at the back of my head.
I was at a body evolution meet in Norwich, and Tiff was asking for people to practice her scarification from, that she was learning from Vampy. People were discussing it. Someone was talking about stars, just as I was looking down at my mushroom tattoo. Suddenly a perfect idea clicked in my head. Stars coming from the mushroom. It would fit with the mushroom perfectly. All the thoughts came from the bottom of my head. I asked Tiff if she'd like to do mine.
It was later in the weekend when I had it done. I spent a bit of time with different sized stars, working out the best sizes and places to put them on my ankle with Tiff. As the time came closer I was a bit nervous, I'd never had anyone cut me before, and didn't know if I'd be able to handle it. I was afraid the pain would be too intense for me over a long period of time, and that I wouldn't be able to get it finished. Or that I would twitch and not be able to stay still enough. The time came...
I sat on the bench. I found it comfy to sit up, with my legs sort of under me to the side with my ankle out. That way I could see what she was doing, cause I like to be able to see what's going on or I feel unsettled. My ankle was put on one of those sterile surgical paper things, and was cleaned with technicare. The transfers were put on in the places we discussed.
Then the cutting started. Tiff used a #1 scalpel. The first cuts were fine, they didn't hurt much at all, just felt a tiny sharp sting and a bit hot. Once she'd gone round the outlines of all the stars, she cut at an angle to separate the tissue. This bit hurt a lot more, as it was going over other cuts, it was still handleable though. As back then Tiff was just starting out, it took a lot longer to do to get it perfect (though perfect it was), and the corners took a while as they were a bit tricky to do. Vampy came over to peek every now and then. After a bit I lay down, as I wasn't feeling as comfy, and was surprisingly ok with not being able to see. I found it a bit intense after a while though, so just concentrated on getting through it. At one point someone commented I was quiet (cause I normally never stop talking). I replied 'that's cause it hurts and I'm chewing me hand!'
It took about an hour and half I think in total. I was quite glad when it was finished! They looked so pretty. I was wrapped in clingfilm, which was micropore taped on because I'm allergic to the other tape. I then got my stuff together and got on a train soon after. It bled a bit behind the clingfilm on the train, but I couldn't resist peeking at it (through the clingfilm) lots as it was so pretty.
I was given instructions of rubbing a mixture of lemonjuice, sugar and Vaseline into the wound, and leaving it on for a bit sometimes. I took the clingfilm off the next morning, washed it down and gave it a good scrub with the mixture. I was scared at first because of how much other friends with scars have hated lemons, but I quite liked the sting. I realised after though that even though that made me think I was hardcore, I wasn't cause I don't think Jif Lemon which I was using is as strong as real lemon juice! I rubbed this mixture in for 5 minutes or so twice a day, and left it on for an hour or so in the evenings. I often scrubbed it with a scrubbing brush in the shower.
A few days after
I realised a flaw in my plan. 4 days after getting it done I was going to download a music festival. Eeeeek! I didn't want it to heal, but getting it dirty there would be bad. I was a bad and just carried on. Which I don't recommend. I stopped using the mixture, but I took a toothbrush which I scrubbed it with under clean water once or twice a day there. I also put on lemon juice now and then, and Vaseline. And I sprayed it with antiseptic spray once or twice a day which I wouldn't normally do. Although I didn't consciously try to get it dirty, I did do. So I'm kinda lucky it wasn't infected!
I also, when I was at download, I found out by chatting to Nik that by rubbing the mixture all over, as I had been, instead of in line with the lines I was more likely to make it blurry. So from that point I stopped doing that!
After that I kept up with the aftercare and scrubbing until there were no scabs left to rip off, which was around two weeks. I shaved my legs are normal during this time, as it helped to rip the scabs off. Below are some pictures of the healing.
Two and two and a half weeks
I had no problems with them after this. They have faded slightly, so I'm considering having them gone over in future, or maybe a skin removal so they raise. But I'll see how they go when they turn white first. I do love them very much! Though I think they will be my only stars. I also thoroughly recommend Tiff. Below, to finish, are some pictures now, 6mths later.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 25 Dec. 2006