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pain for the sake of life

My Cutting/Rubbing Experience

Please dont copy me, I was stupid, or do it properly at least :)

I grew up with a normal life, a normal person with normal parents... nothing interesting. I started piercing my ears twice and three times when i was 15 and dyed my hair outrageous colors from 16 and still do from time to time. Its almost as if thats my way of expression, and if i make a mistake or it looks messy, thats like 10 bonus points. "perfection is imperfect always perfectly"... Its just a matter of realizing how to express your imperfections your own way. okay, no my parents are against any drastic body modifications, which includes a tattoo... and i wanted one sooooo bad since I was 13 and I saw my cousin with hers. She also had and her lip and tongue pierced and everything. My mom didnt like it much. but I still wanted one. so as every normal kid would do they draw all over their bodies with marker or pen and the places theyd want the "tattoo of their dreams" and hope one day they could get a professional to draw over them. which was what I did.

Each day i drew and re drew an Ankh [ancient egyptian symbol for life] on my right wrist. Everytime it faded a bit, I'd draw right over it again and again. I loved it and it always gave me a chance to perfect it. Which I did. Then I thought about it and I wanted it on my lower hip to the left under my belly button. So a drew it there. I have my belly button pierced and it hurt a decent amount, and I figured a tattoo hurt more. I had also pierced my cartilage a week earlier but that didnt hurt much. So I resorted to house hold things one day when I was bored.

I [stupidly] didn't sterilize anything. I got out a simple sewing needle, and just started etching about the ankh not yet breaking the skin.. and traced and traced until it was perfected again. That was the easy and least painful part. Then I pushed harder and harder until I could see a bit of blood. It stung each time I pressed down. I wanted to make the strokes count so it would take longer to heal and be there longer. So I went over it and over it until I had the entire design mapped out in thick red lines on my stomach... finally it was done.

I realized it would scar up and fade very quickly if I didnt do something else to preserve it, so I decided to use a black permanent marker, a sharpie to trace around, but I didnt want it to be too obvious or too dark cause of my mom.. so I found red sharpie and used both colors. It was a magnificent burst of red and shadows and just a wonderous display of, well, life. I loved the symbol even more.

It took a while for me to convince my mom, when i told her I did it myself, I wasnt depressed and cuttin to make myself feel better. I did it as a way of expression. Same reason I color and cut my hair so much. I cant stand ordinary.. I need change. She agreed not to further ask me about it... So i cleaned it each and every day, the warm shower water stung kinda bad. I couldnt sit up and sit down without looking pregnant and stretching skin. And it stung and hurt each time and tried re-applying the markers, but sadly, as the scar formed and chipped off, so did the color... Until I was left with almost a light brown color.. and that too has faded. Its been over 3 months since I did it and now im looking more towards india inks. I can only see it cause I know its there.. and I am going to re-do it soon with the ink and hope it lasts longer. I recommend using india ink as opposed to sharpies. They dont last. Ive now purchased an india ink and will brave this feat once more for the sake of expression, and freedom.

If you have any questions or comments or anything please dont hesitate to message me. I'd love to get into tattooing someday too. I think its great.. cause not only are you expressing yourself, youre helping other express themselves as well. Well, I'll post some pictures of what my new one looks like, I'm mad I didnt take any picturess of my last one [any clear ones that is]. Thanks for reading and I hope to one day brave the tattoo chair and get one professionally done soon enough. Thanks again. Catch ya'll laters. peace! ♥ ♥ ♥

-xoxo raven

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 30 Sept. 2006
in Scarification

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