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My very intense Scarification

I had made plans many months ago to havehellspawn aka Matt Cottrell do a scarification piece on me for his portfolio. I was all excited about it, and then pretty much forgot about even having thought of it. At the beginning of the week Cornucopia had begun making plans to meet up sometime over the weekend. I got an instant message from her friday morning saying that Matt also wanted to come as well, and asked if I was still interested in getting a scarification piece done.

I was super excited, as I get everytime I know I am getting a new modification to my body. Cornucopia called on the way to my house to ask me if I had picked out a design yet. I thought Matt was just going to show up with something he wanted to do, but no. I had about 45 minutes to find a design to work with. I went into google looking for pictures of flowers, because that was what I was most interested in having permanently cut into my skin. I went into BMEzine and checked out the flash art for tattoos, under the flowers and plants section.

I had book marked about 4 designs I thought Matt could do for me. I completely trust him so I told him to look at the drawings I had chosen, and left it up to him which one would be done. We agreed on a pretty calla lily drawing. I sat patiently waiting while Matt drew his version of the picture onto a piece of paper to be then drawn onto me. The place I had chosen this to be done on me was my left outer calf. I honestly had no idea how large the design I had picked out was, until he started doing the drawing on my leg. I was pretty thankful he had left out a lot of the leaf from the picture.

I was chatting with Cornucopia, as she was letting me know that she had brought two different types of candy along, and that if I felt faint or weak at any point during the procedure to let her know and she would get some sugar into me. Before Matt drew the picture onto my leg he cleaned me with Technicare, and completely dried the area. The placement of the piece was in a place that it was very difficult for me to get my leg comfortable, and flat on the table. As he was drawing I was starting to get a little bit nervous, but nothing to worry about, I thought anyways!

When he was done the final outline of the calla lilies onto my calf, he began to prepare. He already had his metal tray out, covered in saran wrap, with all of the tools placed on it still in their sterile packaging. He changed his gloves a few times before the cutting began. One thing I really like about Matt is that he talks very calmly to you while he is working on you. Cornucopia got an Infected Mushrooms cd out of the car and had me put it on so that I had some music to zone out to. Matt put on plastic sleeves that covered from his wrist to above his elbow, then another pair of gloves. He pulled the scalpel out of the sterile packaging and then opened the scalpel blades from their pack. I watched him putting the blade onto the scalpel handle and I was starting to feel a little bit of anxiety.

I have done self cutting many times in the past years, so I had a fairly good idea of what to expect, but it was much different than anytime I had cut myself. Matt asked if I was ready, and I took a quick drink of water then said I was good to go. He started the cutting from the bottom up, doing the smaller cuts first. I was sitting sideways on a chair, gripping onto the back of it. He made the first cut, and I maybe might have jumped a little bit, but then I tried my best to breathe properly and not tense myself up like Matt had told me not to!

I won't lie, it does not tickle. I found it to be very intense, and I seemed to be ok, but when Matt did the longer lines I could really feel him cutting the depth into the design. That really hurt, but I kept quiet and just closed my eyes and clenched my fists. I could feel my body shuddering. I would stop and open my eyes to ask him how much he had done, and realized that watching someone cutting into my leg was not something I was mentally prepared for. I more like the feeling of not knowing when it is going to happen so that I am not getting myself all psyched out.

I don't remember how long exactly it took for the cutting to be finished. I do know that more then once I had said "hold on, hold on!" to him when he was done a long rounded cut. Cornucopia was kind of talking to me as well as Matt, which helped me to zone out the pain of the cutting. I looked when he was finally done and all I really saw was blood pouring down my leg. Earlier on Matt had mentioned that I had good blood, that it coagulated well. During the cutting he had stopped to hold a paper towel over the blood and it was pretty cool to see my blood on the paper towel in a design.

I didn't really bleed that much considering that I was expecting massive amounts of blood. Cornucopia photos throughout the entire cutting so there is documentation of the steps in the scarification procedure. I was pretty high on endorphins after that.

Matt then told me I was going to hate him as he wiped my leg with Technicare again to clean the finished product. It actually did not hurt at all. A few more photos were snapped, as Matt gave me the step by step instructions to care for it. He wrapped my leg in saran wrap and told me to tape it there to hold it in place. I was to that day unwrap it before bed and clean it with water and a paper towel, then cover it in vaseline, and once again wrap it up. So every morning I am to clean it, get a nice layer of vaseline over the top and get the saran wrap on there snugly. At night I am to uncover it and clean it and air dry the cutting during the night. This is to be done for 10 days, till July 9th to be exact, haha!

Then we all got into the car and drove to a pub and had some food, and good laughs. I was wearing capri's, so you could see the bloody mess under the saran wrap. I could feel the blood pouring down my leg while we sat there. I had a papertowel around my ankle, and it was completely soaked and blood was seeping out. After dinner they dropped me off at home, reminding me what to do, and Matt said if I had any problems or questions to send him an email. I thanked them both for a fantastic afternoon of pain.

Today is the second day. I think the worst part of my day was when I had to get into the shower. Fuck, did that burn like mad. I started shaking, but I held back the tears...though not the cursing I was doing. When I got out I slathered it in vaseline and wrapped it back up, securing the wrap with about 4 pieces of tape all around my leg. I walked with a limp for a bit after my shower, but it feels alright now. Doesn't seem to be bleeding, which Matt had mentioned should be done by today.

I went around knocking on my neighbor's doors showing them. They all think I am crazy, but I am really proud of myself for being able to handle myself through the whole cutting. By far, this is the most amazing modification experience I have had. This is definitely not for everyone, but I do applaud those who have the courage to go through with it, including myself. Matt Cottrell does fucking amazing work, and I am pleased to know that I will forever be walking around with this beautiful scarification piece on my leg!


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 05 July 2006
in Scarification

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