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My Star-ification

I had been thinking about scarification for a while. I had been thinking about what I wanted, because once you have it on you, there's no turning back. With a lot of thinking about it, I decided that I wanted a star because stars are my favorite shape and represent every thing I love, for a reason I don't even know. So I was talking to my friend Marcus about cutting a star into my leg, a place that isn't always visible. Marc was cool with that but when he asked my what I would be doing it with, I answered a razor blade, cause I didn't know any better. Marc got upset with me and walked to his locker, pulled out a small silver packet and walked back over to me, he handed me the packet and said it was a surgical scalpel and that if i was going to scar myself, to at least be safe about it. I thanked him for caring about me and put the scalpel away in my wallet, so that I wouldn't loose it. The scalpel stayed in my wallet for a few weeks. Then one night I decided that it was time.

I set myself up on my room, with some alcohol to disinfect, some gauze, the scalpel, my camera and a towel. I poured the alcohol on my leg where I was going to cut, then I remembered how bad I was at doing things, so just to be safe, I grabbed a pen and drew a star on my leg. They all sucked, so I started over about nine times. Then I got the result I wanted. I went to the bathroom and washed my hands. I walked back to my room disinfected every thing again, the opened the silver packet with the scalpel. I inspected the scalpel carefully to know with witch part I would cut with. Then, I took a deep breath and I started cutting. It was the best feeling in the world. I was amazed at how sharp the scalpel was, I had cut myself before with razor blades before, but they never cut through skin like this before. I was bleeding so much, I loved it. I kept whipping the blood off with the gauze, but it still would bleed. Half way through the scaring I remembered some one telling me to take Tylenol before I started cutting, and I was thankful that I didn't, because that I way I got to feel everything. I kept cutting deeper and deeper and I was happy. I saw the blood dripping and the star was slowly appearing. I loved it. Then, finally, and hour later I was finished. I took an other deep breath and took a look at the bloody star that had appeared on my leg. I took a picture to submit to BME. Then once all the hard work was done, I started in a bit of blood play. I smeared the blood around, I wrote things on the ground and on myself in the freshly drawn blood. I took many pictures to remember the night that scared me for ever.

Then once I was done enjoying my constant blood flow, I walked to the door of my room, opened it a bit to make sure that my parents ( who were clueless about my new modification ) weren't there I ran to the bathroom. I then washed off the blood that was every where. Seeing my bath tub filled with blood made me feel really happy inside, for some strange reason. I cleaned up my mess by washing off the blood that was left in the sink and every where else, then wrapped myself in a towel and walked back to my room. Then I noticed I had one more mess to clean up. My floor around where I was doing the scarification was covered in blood. I got some cleaning products and started to wash the blood off the floor. It wasn't as easy as they made it seem in the movies. Ten minutes later, I was done. I wrapped my leg in new gauze then went to bed.

The next few days we're incredibly uncomfortable. The gauze that was wrapped around my leg was rubbing against my school pants and I kept bleeding but that didn't bother me, I had a gorgeous star on my leg and it was all worth it. I scrubbed the star with a scrubbing bush and vinegar every night, and I enjoyed the pain it made me feel. At school I was proudly showing it off and creeping out a few people who were amazed that some people actually did some thing like that by choice. But I loved every reaction I got. My parents still didn't know, but I decided that I would only show them once it was healed. It was only a few months later when I to get an operation that my mom saw it, she was ok with it all and I'm happy about that.

Today every time I look at my StarScar I smile, no matter what people say about it, I love it and I think that I will be getting many more scars.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 21 June 2006
in Scarification

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