Addiction goes on
I sat down in my room and felt the overwhelming feeling of
cutting. I couldn't help it, yet I couldn't pin point why. I cleaned a work
station, pull out a scalpel #11, a few gauzes, and I was ready to move on.
Please don't do this at home, it can be very dangerous,
and can turn out badly. I'm not the smartest person around, and you should be
aware that I'm taking many risks by doing such a thing to myself.
Also like wolfbane says: "Before you make that first cut
remember: You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release
addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep
and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will take
sometimes months to heal, and years for the scars to fade. If you think you can
limit the cutting to one area of your body, think again; it will spread when you
run out of skin."
I looked at my small trisquel, and moved on cutting it, the
pain was so calming; I enjoyed it so much... too much probably. Within a few
minutes, it was over. Happy to be done, yet unsatisfied with the small amount of
pain involved. I went on my computer, and saw a designed I was planning on
getting tattooed for a long time, the BME Celtic CBR's. I printed it out, about
twice as big as my trisquel; traced it to do a transfer like I learned before. I
retraced it with a new sharpie, and left it there for the day. At night fall the
itch had grew on me, and I knew I HAD to get it done. So I took some more look,
the placement was perfectly centered below my trisquel. I took a few minutes to
think at what I was about to do, and I moved on, washing my hands, got some
gauzes, a #11, a can of pop with a straw, and I was ready to go.
This design was looking quite tricky because of all the
curves, yet I re gloved, and started to split apart the skin. I took the
scalpel, placed it right underneath the top bead, and slowly moved downward,
halfway I had to reposition my hands, and the first line was done. I did the
inner part of the line, and in 2 strokes it was done, I kept on doing all the
rings. I took a few sips of the pop, and headed for the beads. They were more a
pain in the ass to do than the rings! Each bead took like 6 or 7 repositioning
before I could complete the circles. I was done, very pleased with the red
result, and relieved of the itch. I didn't go deep enough, or at 45 degrees to
open the wound, but yet it looked nice to me.
I brushed on it some peroxide twice a day, covered it with
gauzes to keep the stain away from my clothes. I put some tattoo goo on it to
irritate it. I thought it would do the same thing as Vaseline, yet little did I
know that Vaseline is to slow down the healing, but tattoo goo is to speed up
the healing. Sure both are used for tattoos, yet they aren't doing the same job
Within a week, there was no more scab, so I took some
gauzes and a scalpel out, and re cut. The feeling was very sharp this time,
unlike the first time around. I could feel my skin being pulled apart. I was
moving faster than the previous time, and moving accordingly to the healing
wound; the rings were even, and there was barely any sharp or cornered edge.
Under 20 minutes I had cut about 5 or 6 times in each line, I was trying to make
sure I wouldn't need to cut again. I spend the next five minutes to scrub the
wound with a toothbrush and peroxide and the following half hour to clean the
I kept on putting some tattoo goo for about a week or so.
The healing turned out good, even too good. I'm disappointed that it doesn't
show up a lot, the skin is slightly darker, yet it's about it, no raised scar,
or anything! Yet it's entirely reliable to the dept that I cut and the poor
after care that I used.
About a year later, I'm quite please with how it turned
out. A local piercer and my mod artist did give me positive feed back about it.
One was amazed of how it looks even if it was DIY, and the other compliment on
how round were my rings! I'm pleased about the shape and everything, but the
visibility. I'm thinking about getting it done by a pro, or use it as a template
to learn more about scarification, witch still amazes me. .
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 07 Feb. 2006