Not your run of the mill scab
For the record I am well aware of the fact that the settings in which this procedure took place were far from sterile. I was aware of it, but it was my own choice to go through with it.
As a teenager I had a lot of not so mainstream interest. The main one that comes to mind is the idea of having designs scared onto my body. I was never a cutter in the sense of having a mental illness that caused it. However, I did cut myself a few times as teenager in an attempt to leave a mark. Thinks like words, stars, and other miscellaneous shapes. They all faded within a year. I gave up the idea for a few years until I watched someone having a cutting done.
The appeal never really left me to be honest. I often wondered why I couldn't be more interested in mainstream stuff like tattoos. They just never seemed to peak my desire. I thought for a long time about what I wanted done. So many ideas to choose from, after all I had been harping for many years on the subject. I really like the thought of doing stars, but I hesitated too much on the idea to really consider it. I like swirl designs, but I was afraid there wouldn't be enough symmetry to meet my approval. So I thought, I searched, I pondered.
Some symbols have a sort of tradition about them, but I believe they will mean what they mean to the persons own heart. So for reasons that are my own I chose the beautiful swallows to be engraved upon my body.
I was always very self conscious of my calves. I felt they were too large and not very feminine at all. It is for these reasons that I felt the need to adorn them with the beautiful birds. I figure, with something so beautiful as this how can I be embarrassed to wear shorts?
I am never nervous about pain. I may get excited, but I am never afraid. So the day of the event I didn't fret. I knew that even if the pain was great the outcome would prove more then worth it for myself. So my stomach got a little knotty from the excitement, but that was nothing for me to worry about.
I was laid down on the ground with my legs over some towels. I could feel my body wanting to shake with anxiety, but I just wouldn't let it. I could feel the artist gently applying the stencils to my calves. First time they were a bit too off, but second time was a charm. His voice was soothing and confident, it really helped me feel totally at ease about everything. Calmly, I told him I was totally ready to get this show on the road. I was finally doing what that 16 year old little girl had only hoped to accomplish with her light hand and thin razor.
The first cut was weird. It felt so unlike anything I had expect. It was sharp but not really painful and they all seemed to give off that vibe. I felt the warmth of the blood start to cover my leg after awhile. It was a beautiful sensation. The feeling of my skin being separated and all the while the soft warm blood easing the tension of it all. It was like something I had longed to experience all my life, and finally I was living it. The second go over the already cut path was just as exciting. Although it seemed to pain me some, inside I was feeling something energizing. Like my sound was being revitalized with a new sense of self.
The second leg wasn't as pleasurable. My body was tired and I had already lost a lot of blood. It bled quicker then the other one. It seemed to weep blood for the pain its brother had been caused. The second go around the already overly weeping leg seemed to tense me more then I should have let it. I allowed my body to sense more pain then I probably should have. When it was finally finished though, I had felt like I had accomplished something grand.
Healing them took patients. I left them alone for 3 days just washing them gently in the morning and night. For 2 weeks I irritated them using a toothbrush. Making sure to go with the lines as best I could. Then I just let them heal. Washing them every day carefully so as not to take chance of them getting an infection.
It's been about 5 months now. They are almost totally settled My skin scars white, so it's almost not noticeable. However there are still a few purple spots on my birds where they were cut a little deeper then the rest. I assume these will settle into the white color in a few months or so. I am proud to say that I wear shorts a lot these days. Never once to I worry about the shape of my calves.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 06 June 2005