My star scar.. to hide the others
In junior high I started to cut myself, because I was depressed and a freak. Ha-ha, once I realized (in high school) that this was not a good coping technique I stopped but, I was left with quite a few scars in which I found pleasing and others found revolting. It's a simple reminder that I am human and I can get better.
Recently I was a little messed up and I and a few friends decided that we should do a friendship thing. So we put out our cigarettes on each other. At the time it was not painful. I love my little circle (while it's healing you can see the capillaries which is quite cool).
Anyways, the real story...I was sick of having these silly scars (a bunch of lines and a random circle) so I decided that I was going to go back to the blade and scar myself with a star. This star I had been hoping to get a tattoo of since I was little. It was meant to sort of "masque" the other scars that people may notice and turn it into something truly pretty.
The pain was nothing and it was exciting to see my beautiful star turn into a beautiful scar.
First, I drew the star onto my arm where I wanted to place it and made sure it wasn't going to look freaky when my skin moved (by simply bending my arm). Just to make sure that it was what I wanted I left the drawing on there for a few days to be positive I wouldn't get sick of it. After awhile and being really happy every time I looked at it I knew it was a good idea. So I busted out my razor blade and started to etch away at the outline. It is kind of difficult to stay in the lines so I heated up a needle to try and burn it in. Once it was done I agitated it every other day and kept it clean.
After it healed I was happy but in a few weeks I noticed it was starting to fade. I seriously think I have super healing powers.
I desperately searched my mind, and the internet, to figure out how to cut it in deep enough and precisely enough so it would stay and look good. See with professional scarification it will come out perfect. Although the places are available, I haven't the time or the age requirement.
I live in New Orleans and one day as I was walking around the French quarter I saw a metal star that look EXACTLY like the scar I wanted to achieve before. I had given up on my slowly fading scar until I saw this. I freaked out and bought the star immediately. I went home and got my lighter. I was so excited I was warming up my star. Then I pressed it against my arm (feeling a lot like a cow being branded) it stung and then went away. Yea it wasn't hot enough AT ALL. So I had to figure out how I was going to get it hot enough. Overly impatient I fired up a skillet and preceded to "sauté" my star. Hey... it worked. And once it was hot enough I placed onto my arm and with a slight sizzle it was all over... And beautiful
I kept up with all the cleaning and what not because I wanted it to work so badly. Now everyone asks me wow how I did that. Of course I don't tell them the whole complicated story. But they don't even think about the other scars and think that I tried to kill myself they just think it is art. Which it is.
Every now and then I'll get people that ask me if it hurt and wonder how I could do that to myself. I'll make up excuses and say a professional did it... Even though they didn't... it helps others think its okay. It's that whole "well if someone gets paid to do that it must be an in thing that I have never heard of" mentality. It is a lot easier to answer the 'amazed' questions than the sympathy ones.
Once, I am old enough I am thinking about getting a rubbing of a cross that looks like it's been cut into the skin and is bleeding. It won't be finished I just want it to look like I did it to myself.
Although I did cut myself... I don't recommend to others there is a serious risk involved with infection and bleeding. If you don't know your limits it's easy to "go to deep" and NEVER make a permanent decision like this while you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 06 June 2005