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my scar cutting done by myself

Let me start of by telling something about my desire to scar myself.

I have always been fascinated by stars, and the reason is probably because I had wallpaper with stars while I was a baby, so the stars were present since I was a baby. About the scarring, I can't remember why I first wanted one.

The first time I cut myself was in 7th grade. I was in school and got a bad grade in math so I took my scissors and cut a pentacle on my forearm (it was all crooked and it wasn't deep enough so it healed and I don't have any scarring from it today). The second time was a year ago when I was really depressed, so I took a razor blade and cut a star on my hip (again, it didn't last). That time it was a star, but I didn't cut deep enough so the scar lasted for two months or so. That made me sad because I wanted it to last, so I decided that I'd repeat the cutting one day.

This brings me to my newest scarring.

Five days ago I was really bored and I got that famous need new mod itch. I knew I couldn't get a new piercing (and don't have tattoos YET) so I decided that this time I'd do my star properly.

I went to a hobby-shop and bought a set of scalpels. Also, I stopped by at the pharmacy and bought some 3% hydrogen peroxide solution and some sterile gauze.

When I came home I disassembled one scalpel and washed the blade with normal detergent to get that oily part off. After that I cooked the blade for an hour and let it cool down. Meantime I browsed the net to find a simple star design... When I found the perfect one I had to decide on placement (it couldn't be visible because of my parents). I decided that the placement would be on my upper pubic area, just below the waist line.

After all my thinking and deciding, the water cooled down so I took the blade, cleaned it with peroxide and assembled the scalpel (after I cleaned the plastic part with peroxide). I went to my bathroom and shaved my pubic area. I also washed it with antibacterial soap, drew the design on my skin but it was wrong so I washed myself again and redrew the star. It came out all wrong because I was sitting while I was drawing, so when I stood up the skin stretched and that made the star crooked.

The third time was a charm, and it was easy because I made a stencil of the design on a piece of greasy paper (sorry, but I don't know the English name for it). The placement was good, so I washed my hands with antibacterial soap and cleaned my nails with a small brush. I cleaned my hands very thoroughly because I don't like gloves and didn't have a pair at the moment. I cleaned my hands with peroxide (it stung a little) and took the scalpel in my right hand.

The first cut was the hardest because my hand was shaking, and with my left one I tried to pull the skin apart so the cutting would be easier. I managed to cut the first line and that encouraged me a lot. The second line was easier, and it didn't really hurt. It just stung, but it was bearable. The third and fourth line were the easiest, because when I started the fifth one I started to bleed and the blood was all over my skin and I couldn't see where I should cut.

I stopped for a minute, wiped the blood off and poured some peroxide on cuts. That stung incredibly and the cuts turned white. I waited for a couple minutes before continuing because I wanted to make sure I wouldn't bleed again.

The sixth line was painful because my adrenaline rush subsided, but I did it anyways. The last three lines were painful, but fast.

After I finished cutting I felt really drained and lightheaded so I sat on the floor for 15 minutes to calm down. I didn't feel any pain, but my body was very tired. When I finally managed to get in the shower everything was OK because the cold water woke me up.

I showered and wiped myself dry. There was some redness around my cuts so I used peroxide again. It really hurt, but it disinfected the wound and stopped the bleeding (which wasn't a big deal). I put a sterile gauze on it and attached it with my underwear. I left the gauze there for a couple of hours just to make sure I wouldn't bleed.

When I removed the gauze everything was OK. The crusties started to form and I cleaned my star with peroxide. This time it only stung a little.

This was four days ago.

Everything is great now, it didn't get infected, I clean it a couple times a day (with peroxide) and irritate it when I shower.

I irritate the wound by letting it soak in water, then gently scraping off the crusties with a toothbrush. After that I put some salt on (for a minute or two – it depends how much can I endure the stinging) and after that I clean it with peroxide. Today I started using only toothbrush because the salt made my skin red. Four bottom lines are pretty much healed and there is no redness around them. Upper lines still have some crusties, but I really hope that they will go away soon.

About the feel of my scar-to-be...

After I got it done it didn't hurt at all and the first two days were the easiest because I didn't feel ANYTHING. Lately I feel it when I move or bend because my skin is a bit dry, and the crusties are very dry and they break if I move a lot. I try to wear tight pants so they don't move around my waist and irritate the wound because it can get really annoying.

I advise anyone to get cutting done by professionals because there is a number of factors that can go wrong. There is no excuse for doing it yourself! I did mine because it was a spur of the moment thing, but I tried to plan everything out before doing it actually.

My only excuse for not getting it done professionally is that there are no cutting artists in my entire country!

If you want to do your cutting don't ask me for advice because I'm not a professional. I can only say that you need to have everything sterile, and try not to cut too deep!



submitted by: Anonymous
on: 30 April 2005
in Scarification

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Artist: myself
Studio: my+bathroom
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