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What did you do that for?

A few years ago, I submitted an article under an alias name, all it really told about and explained was basically how dumb I was.

I wanted a second chance to explain that, "No I am really not that stupid."

I wanted to be different and I wanted to have a scarification done on myself. My mother is tattooed herself, but she is squeamish about anything to do with her children. She is hypocritical and looks down on what she sees as "self-mutilation".

I do love my mother but we are very different and clash often. I have a scar on my forearm. It is a perfect circle and I think that it is very, very beautiful. My mother disagrees. I do not practice self mutilation and many people these days that do so want attention. High schoolers who do this usually are not the depressed teenagers of twenty years ago.

I started this adventure about two years ago. At first all I did was grind down on my forearm with a bottle cap. It was usually a plastic one but occasionally a metal one. All this did was leave faint marks that would be almost all gone within two weeks.

Then I would use a semi sharp knife to make cuts deeper. I did this stage for nearly a year. Every time the scar would fade too far for my liking I would cut it again. After awhile I just let it go. I was cutting my arm once or twice a month and it obviously wasn't making a difference.

So I just left it alone for months, almost half a year. I liked it but it just wasn't worth the trouble. Then I realized that I wasn't cutting deep enough. It bled like a cat scratch and then scabbed over. I wasn't doing this right. And I still had to decide if I wanted it forever.

Later I decided that I wanted this scar permanently.

I waited for a few weeks to decide that I truly wanted this on my arm for God and everyone to see. I eventually said to myself "Yes, I want this and I will want it forever." So I went ahead with my plan.

I got some razor blades and soaked them in alcohol, hydrogen peroxide and then boiled them. I used several different changes of gloves and made sure my hands were clean. I also waited until my mom and family were out of the house and then I put on some music. Just really hard rock music that you can really understand the words. Just that someone is screaming, and that the music is loud.

Sitting down at my desk which had been covered with a clean towel I started to cut it lightly on the top. For about an hour I just cut and wiped the blood away with another clean towel. Then I realized I wasn't getting hardly anywhere.

So I took the second razor blade I had prepped and used it to cut fairly deep I went around the outside of the circle and cut it several, several times. Then I went around the inside and did it again several times.

After I made sure that I had gone deep enough and while I waited for the bleeding to stop, I decided to do a zigzag back and forth inside. I did this until the inside between each line that I made first, was gone, there was no skin left and that was how I wanted it.

I cleaned up my things bandaged my wound and went to sleep. When I woke up in the morning I had to rip the gauze bandage off because it had stuck to the would at night. Ripping the bandage off caused some minor bleeding and pain.

I cleaned the area thoroughly and let it air dry. Then I put a fresh bandage on it.

Now a few days later it has scabbed over nicely. I think that it will stay put this time and I am glad. If it needs some touching up I think that I will do it myself. But most of the aftercare was and is minimal and I am happy with how it is healing. I want to have it etched in the near future and possibly tattooed lightly.

I do recommend going to a professional and possibly having your parent's permission or at least approval if you are underage.

I did use clean materials but there is still the chance that you can get a serious infection. I used alcohol and hydrogen peroxide on the cut after I was done so that it was a minimal risk of getting infected. I also covered the wound and kept it clean until the scab had fully formed. So get it done professionally.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 08 April 2005
in Scarification

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