Best of Both Worlds
Disclaimer: This, was done by myself. I choose to, fully aware of the responsibilities and consequences. This experience could have gone very wrong. Things like this, should NOT be done by yourself, especially considering the fact that you do not have the right materials or enough knowledge.
For the past 4 years, I've been into body modification. Very strongly. ever since my first piercing. I've contemplated the tattoos, but I'm not very sure of my own descions and would like more time to REALLY decide what permanent ink piece I'd like in my skin for the rest of my life.
Also, for the past 3 or 4 years, I've been a "cutter". Self mutilation, was never for me about the look. It was simply an escape. It was a reason to hurt and a way to stop the hurt. When I cut, all the rest of my pain, emotional and mental, just seems to melt away for a short time. Though that period of time while cutting is short lived, that LITTLE bit of time is a lot when you hurt. It's like, you've had your air supply cut off, and when you cut, for a moment, you get to gasp in as much air as you can to survive till the next time you cut. Physical pain relives mental and emotional anguish. For a moment, the pain of cutting is all that's on the cutters mind. Drugs do that too, and sex...but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting.
I stayed up one night, watching a big thing on TLC about Tattoos and their significance. Told ways of how tattooing first came a bout and the different methods used world wide to do them. They never mentioned anything about "jailhouse tattoos" or Ink Rubbing Scarification.
Watching things like that, make me gasp. I feel an overwhelming NEED for whatever it is that I'm watching, whether it be shows on body modification or Requiem for a Dream type movies, I just...Need.
I immediately felt a need for something new and different. And I decided why not bring together a few of my favorite things, and make them even better?
I have a nice collection of very sharp and brand new exacto knives, and so I finally got to use one for something good and productive, it was a nice change from there normal purposes. I also happen to have a nice collection of inks and the sort. So it all made sense, I had everything I needed, I had the will and the knowledge as well. I was set.
I chose a star. For some reason, I've always had this horrible, uncanny obsession for stars. Every room I've had that I've painted, had had stars incorporated into the design somehow. My bags have stars on them, my shoes have stars on them, my earrings have stars on them, my nipple shields are even stars too. I love stars. They're really personal to me, and somehow, even if I don't know it, they obviously have a deeper, more meaningful connection to me personally.
I'm no stranger to cutting, as I've mentioned, so that part went quite smooth. I drew a star with a vegetable based ink pen, a very nice, symmetrical star. It was beautiful just like that. All the more reason to make it permanent. The cuts, were so perfect. Some of the best I've ever made. I have a few more pieces of just plain scarification on my body, so this wasn't my first time cutting myself for thee actual look as opposed to the "escape". Long, straight, thick cuts, perfect points to my star. Simple, one line cuts, leaving the red line to bleed.
The ink rubbing, ha, was a whole different story. I decided to use something that was..."safe". I used an indian ink. Black. Hmm, nice smooth black. Black stars. Always a favorite. It actually went quite well, I wiped off the excess blood, opened up the cuts a bit more, pulled my skin apart, nice and taut to keep the cuts as wide open as I could, and I rubbed on the ink. Two, nice thick layers. I was proud of myself.
I then let it sit for a bit, rinsed it off, got it clean, looked at the nice vivid, black lines mixed with very small amounts of rust colored blood in the cuts, and then sat down, pulled the skin taut again and put on another thick layer of ink, this time letting it sit in the cut for a few hours, giving the cuts some time to heal up around the ink, holding in the color.
Sitting and admiring my handy work, felt so good. I don't know why, but it seemed so beautiful to me. I like that I did it myself. I'm very confident in myself and my knowledge of body modification. I've done quite a few of my own piercings (then again, I've always had access to the proper piercings supplies and autoclaves) and as I mentioned, a few select pieces of scarification. I trust myself. I felt good, knowing it was all me.
A black star, seemed to represent something. It's funny, my favorite piece of clothing, is a black bra with a big black rhinestone star on the right side. One of my favorite songs, is Black Star by Radiohead. It seemed to make sense. Heaven, found in the stars above.
"Blame it on the black star."
submitted by: x-BlackStar-x
on: 01 April 2005