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Pain is beauty

I have always been a little different from my friends. They disapprove of my cutting but yet they have scars from obvious self inflicted wounds. They don't cut anymore but I don't see why that matters about me doing it. I've never been able to explain why I cut I do it for several reason. I cut cause I love blood and seeing it flow out of my body turns me on, I cut because I have abandonment issues with my mom, I have anger issues and society doesn't accept me for several reason.

I had never heard of a scarification until I found this site. I saw that other people did the same stuff as I did and I felt better. Then I started looking and saw people would cut designs or whatever that meant something to them. So one night I was sitting alone in my room, I had had a rough day and I wasn't feeling to good about myself. So I searched for my razor and I as just going to slice my arms up till I felt better and then I remembered the designs and how it meant something to the person. So I thought what was I really into and I love archeology, astrology and old mythological symbols. Im really into the old Egypt studies, I love anubis and the ankh. So I looked at my posters, book, and papers before I found a simple shape I was willing to try. It had to be simple cause it was the first time I would do a design and I wanted it to turn out ok. Since I couldn't find one I liked in my book or my papers I studied my posters which have lots of signs on them. Then I saw my favorite poster of Angelina Jolie, its from the first tomb raider movie I believe, it has tons of symbols on it. Each simple and plain. I picked out one that was a straight vertical line with two horizontal lines on it and then two diagonal lines coming off the top of the vertical line. I thought that it was simple enough so I took a pen and drew it onto my ankle cause if I didn't like it I could keep it covered but if I did it was somewhere it could be seen. I had to erase it a couple times because of the bone. Finally it looked good and it was in a good position. I cleaned my blade off even though it was brand new. I got some paper towels, a gauze pad, an ace bandage, some water proof tape and some rubbing alcohol. I sat down on the floor in my room with a towel under me and I prepped myself for the initial cut. I wanted it to scar so I knew that I had to cut deep. Then I took my final breath and I did it and boy did it bleed. It took 5 minutes for it to start bleeding. All I could see at first was white tissue and the bone. It was awes "\Ãw"ë ome. Before the bleeding started I finished the rest of the cuts each just as deep. Then I cleaned it up, put a few layers of gauze over it, tapped it on, and wrapped it. Then I decided that I liked the design so I drew it on my arm. When it was drawn all perfect on my upper arm. I cleaned my arm and I cleaned the blade again. Then I cut the vertical line first. I didn't cut as deep as I had on my ankle but it was pretty deep. Then I cleaned up all the blood, disposed of the bloody cloths, and made sure that my blade was well hidden from prying eyes.

When I woke up in the morning I had totally forgotten what I had done to my leg. So I stood up real quick putting all my weight on my left leg and I collapsed. It hurt so bad. So I hopped to the bathroom and cleaned it out. I went downstairs and grabbed some salt. I took the salt and poured it into the wound. It burned really bad and then I started rubbing it with a tooth brush. It started bleeding again. I was about to pass out. Then I wrapped it back up and got ready for school. When I got to school I showed it to my friends and they thought it was awesome. I did another one the same night on my arm except it was a circle with a cross type thing in the middle of it right below the other one. I love my scarifications but I suggest you go to a professional to get one because afterwards I realized just how infected it could have gotten with all the stuff I rubbed into them. So be smart and get one done professionally... so play safe... haha who am I kidding just have fun but be careful.

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 02 Dec. 2004
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: my+bedroom
Location: in+my+house....

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