The 13th Step
In this modern day and age, being 16 is a crime for many. Schools are getting more and more strict about inforcing a dress code, mine being one of them. Many jobs are now refusing to hire modified teens and adults as well. I was fired from my job when I got my hair cut and my boss saw my lobes. My friend was fired from his job because of people complaing about his septum and labret My lobes are stretched to 3/4's and my school wont let me have them because they arent bound by the Constitution, its done by contracts. Which means, they can make us wear a uniform, make us cut our hair, make us do just about anything. If its not our schools code of conduct its not allowed, male earings and visible body jewelry is strictly forbidden but only on males. My friend has her ears stretched to a 6g and she is allowed with them, which to me says(and the school is run by 2 nuns as its a private school, they are allowed to be sexist). So having my lobes is against policy. I cant get anything else done on me though I would like to have a few more piercings. Anyways I was thinking to myself how I could still do something for myself yet still keep it hidden and then it came to me. I could cut something into myself. I dont consider this self mutalation, this is art to me. Depression has never drove me to cutting myself on purpose. I chose my leg for my mark, as I always wear pants and knew that I wouldnt have to worry about my school getting in my business.
I have cut myself before but as I said it wasnt out of anger or depression, I am very against that. I understand that for some its uncontrolable but I know many people who have horribly disfigured themselves by cutting away at they're skin. Last year I had a small design on my left lower leg, it looked something like this <|/|> but the actual design had another slash under the 2 in the middle going to opposite directtion and was much more well done. I sat for about 2 days thinking about where I would put it, what to do it with and if I should have anyone with me. But I was so pleased that I had made something of my own and now had it on my skin, for myself, a cut I was proud of.
I was reading over BME as I often do and was looking more and more into scarification and I always like the self done designs. It amazes me some of the designs I have seen on this site and others. It seems so much more personal for one to to it themselves. My design this time? A 13 in roman numerals. I have always loved the number, and it looks so much better in numerals. I thought it over and checked to see if I had everything I needed. I went upstairs and found my needles which we're givin to me as a gift. My friend works in a hospital so I knew that they were sterolized and safe.
This was a rather spur of the moment kind of thing, my last one wasnt quite as spontanious and I took some time to draw my design. This time I knew what I wanted. I rubbed the area with peroxide before actually making any marks. I want to clarify that when I do this, I dont make too deep of a cut, I just want it to be visible but not leave too much of a scar. That will come later on in my life, and it will be professionly done. I sifted through my needle supply and found a 19g needle. Fresh out of the package and very sharp, perfect for what I needed. These were the same kind of needles that pierced my labret a few months earlier so I knew that they would do what I needed. I shined the light on my leg and slowly made an outline with the needle, carefully making the X and 3 I's. I started to scrape the needle as I had done before. But this time was different, last time I had used a new knife, one for skinning so I knew it would work too. Anyways, the needle went much smoother than the knife had. It also went slightly deeper.
This all took about maybe 10 minutes or so. I had just finished the last I when the blood slowly started flowing out of my X. I was quite pleased with my new marking. A 13 maybe appear somewhere else on me someday but not anytime soon.
submitted by: seanwithoutYou
on: 22 Sept. 2004