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Playing with a razor

I was 19, and I had just gotten my very first, long desired, professional tattoo (a small ankh around my belly button), when my next door neighbor told me about his experiences with doing at home tattoos. He had taken a thread wrapped needle dipped in black ink and done some very nice work, a little crab on his side. That is when I became interested in doing something like that. I had not liked getting the tattoo, and I had actually passed out, probably from nervousness, but I kept thinking about what he had shown me.

So after considering the idea for a few weeks, and talking to my neighbor some more, I finally went out and bought some india ink, some thread, and a small sewing needle, and decided to do a tattoo on myself. To see how much it would hurt, I at first tried it out, with no ink, on my lower arm. I thought it hurt pretty bad, but I did not want to just give up. My tattoo had hurt, but I liked the end results, so I thought I could bear this too. But I also wanted to get a little bit better at it before putting something permanent on my own body, so I got my room mate to let me do a tattoo on her. Ha ha, she was pretty gullible. I told her it would be cool. I did a small heart on her upper arm. It wasn't very good at first, and the spaces between the dots were too big, but I started getting the hang of it after practicing for a while. Then I figured I would go ahead and do it on myself. She wasn't in too much pain, and when I fixed it up a little, it did look rather nice.

So my plan was to do half of a spider web on my upper thigh. I wanted it somewhere that would show if I were to wear a swimsuit, but not show if I did not want it to. First, I drew it out in pen, so I wouldn't totally mess up, then I gritted my teeth (I was such a coward), expected the worst, and began. It did not feel like much, so I kept on, dipping the needle into the ink, sticking it into my leg, a very tedious job. After a few minutes though, I started getting really really bored. I knew I would never have the patience to finish it. But I did not want to just go ahead and quit, because I thought it would look pretty weird to have just half a line on my leg, but I also didn't want to keep on making these tiny dots.

So then I had the idea to get a razor. The lines of the spider web were pretty straight on my design, and I figured a razor blade would work well. So I sat down on the bathroom floor, took the blade I had pried out of my shaver, and got to work. It didn't hurt that bad, it actually hurt less than the needle, and it was a lot faster. I was surprised, after the first few cuts, it almost felt good. It bled a lot, and I started to feel a little bit faint, but that could have been from the sight of myself losing so much blood. I'm definately not a squeamish person, but I know that when your mind sees you are losing blood, you may start to feel faint even though it doesn't bother you. I was not too worried, because I knew even if I passed out that my room mate was there. It did not take very long with the razor, and so I went over it once again to make sure that it was deep enough. I did not want to go to all of this trouble and not have a scar or anything to show for it when it h ealed. I would have been so mad if it had healed perfectly, but I knew that I do not scar very easily, so I had to make sure that I was cutting deep enough. When I was done with the cutting, which was fairly easy, I rubbed a whole lot of black ink into it. I was not exactly sure what I was doing, and I did not know if it would work, but I was game for anything at that point. Rubbing the ink into my fresh cuts hurt more than the actual cutting, so I probably did not do as good a job with the ink as I should have. Then I bandaged it up, and I did not let my boyfriend see it until it was healed (and not for a while after that even), because I knew he would think I was a crazy woman. The ink did not end up staying in my skin, but I still have a pale, scarred spider web on my upper thigh. That was my first time cutting myself, but certainly not my last. It became a very addictive pastime for me.

Disclaimer: Tattooing yourself could be very dangerous. You could really get hurt, even if you think you know what you're doing. So don't try this at home.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 05 July 2003
in Scarification

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