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Self renewal by cutting.

The deepness of my newly harvested wounds I have inflicted to physique are not deep just by visual measure but mental.

I alone wandered around my room fixating on the question of when my numbness would cease, or how I could remove it. I had to revive myself from the emptiness which plagued me for so long. The hallow feeling my me which consumed my thoughts as would cancer to the body. I peered over to a unused art table of mine, which had be gathering books, dust, guilt and old body modification supplies. Once, I had been consumed in the culture of body modification , yet the yearning interest slipped away by my isolation... as the world has seemed to aswell... I found a few unwrapped scalpels sitting on the far corner; I had bought them from bmeshop.com, yet only a year ago. I unwrapped the tool from the wrapper and gave it a long question look. I was concerned in what answers it could bring me.

In my mind I had no design I had wished to engrave into my skin, yet that did not stop me from putting the cold blade to my pale shell. I cut as is if my hand guided me down the merging point of my lower leg and the rise foot... by something I could not explain. I continued to follow the path which had felt so natural to continue while listening to background music from Jerry goldsmith(producer of the score to movies "omen", "alien", "poltergeist", etc..) which I have no doubt enhanced the "spirituality" of the whole event.

The further I continued with the process the more alive and rejuvenated I felt. An energy that had not been in me for seemed to struggle to be freed. Each inch of sliced flesh I freed that energy in me, and I embraced it with "open arms". As the soft and small amounts of blood trickled down my foot forming an exact curve down the sides of my foot, I choose to continue where the blood ran with my blade.

When I near finished the design it appeared as if i had drawn some family crest of sort with two long whip-like lines caressing the curves of the side of my left foot.. I knew that my other foot needed the same attention. I threw away the used and blood soiled scalpel and unwrapped another. I reproduced the design with the same intricate precision as the first with seemlying more ease than before.

I walked into the bathroom, and made two bars on the floor tiles in blood from each foot where I steped from the blood of my markings about an inch wide each, which I had found strangely beautiful... I have always admired the rose to my blood. put a towel before the sink which I had folded twice for more absorption, yet there was hardly enough blood to soak threw a few layers of tissue paper. I lifted a leg then put it in the sink while one hand balanced me by pushing on the wall behind me. I repeated this with my other foot until the blood was washed gone. I stuck a large square bandage on the crest designs on each foot/leg and a few odd long ones on the whips. I put socks on so my parents wouldn't see it right away.. as I know their general reactions to such act would be to consider it immature and utter none-sense.

This experience happened near a week ago. My cuts are now unbandaged and are looking as beautiful as I had hoped. I doubt they will last for more then 6 months, which as about the time my wrist cutting did years ago lasted.

And that is my story. No dramatic ending, but I feel alive. The pain from the cutting surged a new feeling through me that i'm glad is around. For how long the feeling will last...That can only be answered with time. I plan on doing many more scarification to my body and probably will get interested in branding. I feel that it is some sort of birthright to make art of the appearance.

A note to all intested in self-scarification. I did not do this cutting with a professional manner, and I was, and still am, unaware of the risks envolved with the process/healing of the scarification I executed on myself. I personally suggest you look into information about scarification even if the suggestion makes me a hypocrite myself. Scarification can be much more then bloodletting, yet it can also be dangerous. Bmezine has the most information on the subject available; Please study up on the risks, processes and materials that should be used.

Thank you for reading my experience, and I hope that I can bring many more to this page over the spanning years.

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 17 Sept. 2002
in Scarification

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Artist: Myself
Studio: Room
Location: Cleveland%2C+Ohio

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