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Sensitive places; I will brand them all

Ever since I got my second cutting I began craving for a branding. I really wanted to experience the sensation of having my flesh burned away.

I have two cuttings, one between my breasts (a compass star) and a pattern, which covers about half my right upper thigh.

When I did the second cutting, (the pattern on the thigh) I did it with a friend. Well, she can't stand looking at blood so she used branding as a method of marking herself, instead of cutting, as I did. I was so fascinated, especially by the sound of her skin sizzling and the smell of burned flesh.

I instantly made up my mind, I wanted a branding of my own.

When I did my cuttings the motives of it all had just come to me, it was weird really; after some time of thinking and pondering I just knew what I wanted. Like pictures popping up in my mind.

With my branding it was a bit different. It seemed no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't make up my mind. So I put it off for some time. Actually; months.

During that time I did nothing to my body. I am usually quite active with it, in "mod-ing" so to speak. In re-cutting, painting, games, experimenting, piercing (only one time) and so on.

But nothing, I'd just let every wound and mark heal, and enjoyed the fact that my body wasn't recovering from anything. (Usually I love taking care of my body, when it's been wounded, but now it didn't appeal to me at all; to nurse it through pain and suffering)

Then I suddenly realised what it was I wanted; another star, consisting of several dots. It would as my first scarification; be in the shape of a star. Well, more precisely a formation of dots; looking like a star. The idea that popped up in my head consisted of nine dots. One big in the middle and then it would have like four "arms"; every "arm" being two dots. Kind of like a cross, although all the "arms" would have the same length.

And the place?

My stomach so to speak, a bit under my bellybutton, just above the pubic hair line. I felt this would be right to me. I like the fact that it would be in a sensitive place. Just as my first cutting, which is between my breasts, I really liked the location being, hrm, a bit erotic.

Well, anyway, I realised that I couldn't do it by myself, I would never get it right and I don't think that I could do it deeply enough. I wasn't afraid of the pain, it was rather the whole thing of being branded that both scared and excited me; extreme warmth and skin; melting. I would never do it right or good, so I asked my friend to do it.

She agreed, although she at first was a bit nervous. Maybe not as much as me, cause I was really nervous.

We were going to have one of our "moding-nights", she and I, and so I decided that I wanted it done then.

It is usually only the two of us, but tonight we weren't alone. One of the reasons was that I was going to perform a cutting on one of my best friends, so she was there, the rest; well, they were just curious I suppose.

My friend started doing a branding on herself; she was correcting a previous experience.

And I started to calm my other friend down, she was scared I could tell, but I also knew that she wanted her cutting so bad and I didn't want her to miss her experience. After a while she went through with it and I think it was just a great experience for her; getting the cutting as it was for me; performing the cutting.

Later on; it was time for me to get branded. Oh god, I was nervous. I had so much faith in my friend, I really trusted her to share this private experience with me, but still...

Anyway, I cleansed the area, drew the picture on my skin and showed her, and it was okay. I think she corrected it a bit, and then we were on our way.

I lay on my back on the floor, and she sat on my legs/thighs so she could easily perform the branding. Another friend would sit behind my head, holding my hands. This was all done because I was afraid that I would be surprised of the pain or something and just twitch, of like a reflex or something. If my legs were weighted down with my friend and my hands tightly hold by my other friend that were not going to happen.

She heated up bits of circle shaped metal and I started to feel strangely calm, but still, this feeling was mixed with fear. Of what I can't tell, perhaps, I didn't like being so helpless and out of control. One of the main reasons I do all my cuttings on myself is that I need to be in control.

So this was, unknown to me.

She finally asked me; "are you ready?" and I said; "yes", and I then asked her to count to three before pressing it against my skin. On three I felt a burning sensation on my stomach, and instantly I was relieved. It was not at all how I had imagined it.

The first dot, we did over about two or three times, wanting it to be bigger than the rest. There were no problems with the rest except with the one, which was closer to, hrm, the bottom. That hurt a lot more than the rest.

I remember feeling so many different feelings, feeling like I was floating. It was such a perfect moment. It truly was.

Although I behaved perhaps a bit oddly, I both screamed and laughed during it all. Not the most normal reaction I suppose, but still...

After that she cleansed the wounds with irritating fluid and put on bandages.

I irritated it a bit during the following weeks, not as much as my cuttings, because I didn't think I needed to.

That, were a couple of weeks ago( or months, hrm, oh well, can't remember the exact date) and my branding looks fine. It's more than fine; it's beautiful and I love it. I have made up my mind of doing a large branding around it and I am as I'm writing this thinking and pondering over a new design.

The scar came out very good. It has expanded very much, being the double size of the original wounds. But I knew this before, so it came as no surprise.

Pain is a feeling like any other, for some people it is negative, for others it means enjoyment, satisfaction and so on. I may be strange in some ways but we all are, and well, my scar, if I choose to show it off will mean strange looks and remarks of people that will never understand. I pity them, really, cause they will never feel as I did and do.

Body modification means a great deal to me, it has over the years made me feel more comfortable with my body. I enjoy it and treat it like a gift rather than hiding it because I used to feel it wasn't perfect.

There will be more mods, I am planning tattoos and piercings and more scarifications. In about three weeks I am having both my nipples done and I am really looking forward to it.

Your body is your greatest instrument and you will never have another.

Yes, my scars are all permanent. Permanent for a long time, perhaps until the day I die.

It is what I want, since every scar has changed me, and so I will be proud to take them with me in my grave.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 29 Aug. 2002
in Scarification

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Artist: ganja
Studio: her+bedroom
Location: sweden

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