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Why I cut my arm up...

The cutting on my arm says, "Spike" It's the Theban alphabet. I may as well tell you the story along with this experiance. Pretty much when I was 14 I adopted the nickname Spike. I know you're probably thinking I'm an idiot for having my nickname on my arm. But it's not just a nickname. It is now, but it wasn't then. I had heavily heavily gotten into drugs, and drinking and smoking and all that really horrible angsty teenager stuff. I started believing I was another person. That I had become this person named Spike. I lost all control of who I was. I don't remember anything from these two years that I spent in high school. I finally one day broke away from it all and I wondered who the fuck I was and who I was trying to impress. I tried to kill off the facade. But everytime I tried it wanted to force its way back harder and harder every single time. It scared me, so one day I did kill it. I guess you could say this is kind of Fight Club-ish. In a way it is. I would spend days updon days not knowing where I was or what I was doing and I would hear stories of what happened. I finally killed off this facade last January. I broke my head. Literally. I was perched on a railing and I jumped to a tree across the sidewalk. I caught it, my momentum pushed me forward. I fell back onto the sidewalk and landed on my head. My lower back landed on the curb, I got rushed to the E.R. and then I spent the next 3 days being in and out of a coma. When I woke up I was alone and I didn't really know where I was or who I was... and I said my name aloud to myself. Robert. I wasn't Spike anymore. But the nickname has stayed. One day when I was sitting alone in my room.

So one night when I was sitting alone in my room.. I was browsing witches alphabets online. When I was 14, I was at a friends house and he said he could get me tattooed. So I wanted this on my body. The tattoo artist wasn't home. So I was bummed. I really wanted this on my body for almost 2 years. I found the Theban alphabet again. I was so excited. So I went to the bathroom and shaved my arm, and I got out a pen of mine. I started to draw the lettering on a piece of paper. I finally got it to look the way I wanted it to look and so I traced it onto my arm.

This is the fun part. I highly reccomend everyone to NOT do what I did right here. I went around the house looking for something really really super sharp. I couldn't find anything so I got the first thing that I remembered that I had bought that day. I went and got the razors that I had bought. Ya know, the kind you use to shave with. After a few minutes and several cuts on my finger tips later I had three un-used slightly bent razors. I set up my work area. Which happened to be a few paper towels. I turned my webcam on so whoever may be watching it then could watch me getting my arm scarification done. I set my camera to record video and I started cutting. The outline took me about an hour and a half because it's really hard doing smaller things. Fine line detail. With razor blades.After about three hours I was finally finished. I was in a lot of pain. I was also talking to one of my friends on IAM. SilentWes and he told me to get it to scar better to ru b some salt in it. He made sure I didn't get table salt. I had some non iodized sea salt in my bathroom so I poured it on my arm and HOLY CHRIST did that hurt. It stung for a good fifteen to twenty minutes.I wrapped my arm up in gauze. Cleaned off alllllll the blood in my area... and threw my mess away. I was quite happy with myself. The healing process went SUPER smoothly. I used the leave it the fuck alone method. Occasionally I would gently wash my arm with some dial soap. I was picking at the scabs too hoping that they would scar deeper. Now it looks beautiful. Everyone that sees it asks me what it says and I explain it to them. They love it. I felt really proud of myself after I did the cutting on my arm. Just don't do it at home. I would have rather had someone who knew what they were doing cut my arm up. But I feel liberated now knowing that it was something that I wanted. Something that was mine. All mine. :D I feel special. The reason why I have this on my arm is, I wanted a reminder of what I once was. Who I once was. Now that this facade is gone I feel so much better. So much more alive. I've even quit smoking, and quit doing drugs. Heh, I hope you enjoyed my lil story time. The cutting also took me around 3 hours.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 21 Nov. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: My+computer+desk.
Location: second+floor%2C+door+on+the+left+near+the+railing.

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