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Scar Obsession

Ever since I bought the game called Final Fantasy VIII, I've been obsessed with scars. The main character in the game has a scar on his face. His name is Squall. Then there's a character from an anime. His name is Gene Starwind. He has a lot of scars. I have a word that desribes anyone with a scar. I call it "groovy". I tell people that I want to be groovier than Gene, and they usually look at me like I'm crazy. The Japanese word for scar is soukon. I call myself a soukon otome, which is Japanese for scar maiden. I use the word soukon a lot. There's even a little kid at my school who says it whenever I walk past him, which is pretty funny. He also laughs at me because I want to look like Gene Starwind. I think I may have gotten him obsessed, too. One of my best scarification experiences was last year when I was in 9th grade. I took a razor out of my bathroom and I hid it in my panties so my parents wouldn't think I was up to something because they already knew about my cutting. I told them that I was going to bed. I went into my room and turned the light off, and I turned my little dolphin light on. I took my shirt off and sat down infront of my mirror. I took the razor apart and I started to cut the design into my shoulder as deep as I could. Blood was running down my shoulder. I got some of the blood on my finger, and I licked it off. I liked the warm feeling of the blood. I kept cutting the design over and over again to make sure that it scarred. I then rubbed it with a toothbrush every day, and also rubbed it with a body scrub when I took a shower, hoping that it would be noticable. It hurt a lot, though. I also picked at it a lot, which caused it to bleed like crazy, but my dad never asked why there was blood stains on my shirts when he did the laundry. The next day, I told my mom. I asked her not to tell my dad what I did, and she promised that she wouldn't. At school, I decided to show my friend, Melanie. She told my teacher, who called my mom. My mom still never told my dad, even though my teacher told her to. Sometimes my mom will look at the scar, which has kind of faded now. I plan on re-cutting it sometime. Other than the design of a Japanese letter on my arm, this is my favorite scar. I also have a scar on my other arm of the same Japanese letter, but it looks a little different. Those were the first ones I've made. Now my parents are talking about punishing me when I cut. They talk about sending me back to the mental hospital known as Ridgeview. They say that I can do whatever I want to my body when I'm 18, but I can't wait that long. I want to scar myself now, not in three years. Maybe some day I will be groovier than Gene. I hope it will be soon. I did another design a few days ago, but I don't think I cut deep enough. I've been rubbing it with a toothbrush, hoping that it will scar, but I don't think it will, unfortunatly. I've had several scars that didn't turn out right, or they've faded so much that you can barely see them. The first two Japanese letters are kind of fading now, too. I did those when I was in 8th grade. The second one has faded more than the first one. I want to re-cut those, too. Also last school year, I was carving the word "failure" into my leg. I would add a letter every time I did something wrong. I only got to f, a, and i. They're kind of faded now, too. One day I got really upset in school, and I said that I would add the l. My friend, Michelle asked what I meant, and I showed her the f, a, and i. She told my teacher and she and Melanie came over to talk to me. They made me feel better by talking to them, so I never added the l. I also have a design that looks something like: /| on the same arm as the first Japanese letter. It kind of reminds me of a dragon claw. It's also kind of faded. I'm mad because a lot of my scars are faded and I don't want them to fade.

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 26 Sept. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: In+my+room
Location: Woodstock%2C+GA

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