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my scar

I have wanted a tattoo ever since i found out that they existed. I've always thought that they were the coolest things ever, and the most unique form of self expression. But my mom would never let me gat a tattoo. Since I was only fifteen at the time, there were no tattoo artists who I would have trusted if they tattooed an underage person, and my mom wouldn't let me get one, I was stuck with not having a tattoo. I first got the idea of scarring myself as art when i heard someone say to me "Why would you want a tattoo? They're gross! They're just scars with ink in them!" Now i know that they were trying to discourage me from getting a tattoo, but they just gave me an even better idea. Unlike most people i know, I'm not afraid or grossed out by scars, because i have alot. First of all, i play on my school rugby team, and second, i have been experimenting with self-manipulation since i was twelve. (Just so you know, i wasn't one of those messed-up-childhood kids. I came from a great family and was the last person you'd expect to get into that sort of thing, but i did it anyway.) So the idea of scarring myself didn't seem as weird or freakish as it did to my friends. So anyway, at the time i decided to scar myself a had never heard of bme, and didn't know that there was anyone else on earth who thought like me. I thought that i was so hardcore, and that i was doing something totally new. But on the other hand, i was scared of what people would think of me if they found out. (My worst fear is of being sent to a mental hospital.) i found bme while i was researching scars on the net. i thought that if i could find a site about preventing scars, i could just read the info and to the opposite. but when the link for scars came up, so did a bunch of links for scarification. (But bme was by far the best!) While i looked throught them, i was totally enthralled by the thought that i wasn't some sort of freak after all, and that there were other people out there like me. I spent hours looking over the photos and bme quickly became my favorite website. So thats when i decided i would definately give myself a scar. I didn't know when, or what of, but i knew that it would happen. One night this summer, i had been bored and was drawing on myself. I had drawn a tree on my right calf, and decided that i liked the way that it looked. I went downstairs and gor my exact-o knives. First i tested all of the blades on my arms to see which ones were sharp and would be best for the job. I got side-tracked for a bit cutting up my arms (i have a very short attention span) but then remembered what i had set out to do. I went over all of the lines in my design, and washed it with really hot water. I wrapped it in a tensor bandage, and tried to go into the kitchen and have a snack, but my lag had gone into shock or something, and i had to crawl around for the first hour or so. That night, and twice a day until it was healed, i washed off the dried blood with hot water and agitated it with a fingernail brush. (One that i had bought just for the occasion, not just any old brush!) Then after a month, when it had healed, i did it again to make sure it would scar. That was about four months ago, and i just cut it again tonight , because i love it so much. So now it is a fresh cut again, but like before, when it heals it will be a tight, pink scar, and on really hot or cold days, it turns a deep red in contrast to my patheticly pale legs. I love it so much. When people notice it, i am more than happy to tell them about it, and see the reaction that they have. They look shocked and (girls especially) tilt their heads to the side and are all "Like, didn't that hurt?" Yes you dubm fuck, of course it hurt, and i liked it. There are some people out there who really like modifying themselves, and pain isn't an issue. I personally think that the pain is worth it and part of the fun. When ever i see it, i remember how much it hurt, and i am very pleased with myself. My mom must have noticed it, because i wear shorts in front of her all of the time, but she hasn't said anything. I think that she is in denial about having a screwed-up daughter. The friends of mine who know its there mainly like it. I have one who thinks that its sort of weird, but at least admits that it looks pretty nice. But the most important is that i love it, and i do. PS bme rocks, and so does bmeshop.com. It has the most kick ass stuff, and i recommend checking it out!

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 26 Sept. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: me
Studio: my+bedroom+and+bathroom
Location: Vancouver

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