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Well at least Chemistry lessons are good for one thing

I didn't even know that scarifcation existed until I found BME. I know it seems ive lived a sheltered life but i live in england so this particular artform is seen as GBH/ABH at worst and mutilation at best. Its still such a social taboo to talk about cutting yourself. Lets face it lots of people do it, whether for the sace of the image eft behind, or for the release of self harm. Ive done both, I cut my arms when im down and in need of controll and ive done one cutting on my leg that I love and was done purely for the sake or aesthetics. On a boring monday afternoon in a chemistry class I started to doodle. At first nothing meaningfull, a few squiggles to pass the time and get me out of the lack of understanding that chemistry brings about. Then I started some geometrical patterns that were loosly based on an ankh. From somewhere in my head i got the idea to start desicning a scar. And i did just that. It ended up being 4 diamondsjoined at one corner each with smalle diamonds cut inside of them. Each of the outside points of the diamonds were encased in a triangle, sort of like a stretched out Star Treck symbol, and between the mail 'arms' of the designs a small 1cm line. The second stage of the designing part of the piece was me putting the design onto computer so that i could det the dimnions right and the lines straight. While fiddling about with the design i decided to remove the cros shape that was formed where the diamonds met, leaving a ankh/cross design that i wa overjoyed with. I printed it out onto cardboard to make a template and cut it out with a stanley blade. It was another 3 weeks following the designing that I finally decided that I had all the supplies and equiptment that I needed. So it was time to begin. I layed out an old clean sheet onto the table where i was going to do this and scrubbed the front of my lower right leg/ calf with betadine bought from a chemists. aftre this i scrubbed my hands with the same stuff and put on a pair of sterile latex gloves. I had decided before hand that if i was going to do this, then i would do it properly and eliminate all risk of infection (mainly due to the face that i didnt want to explain how i got the scars to a doctor, never mind my parents, if the infection go that bad) I had asked a friend to buy some sterile scalpel blades for me, which was easy enough for him to do with him working in a vets office! so blade loaded and pattern marked out, off to work I went. It hurt a whole hell of alot more than I thought it would have, but there wasnt as much blood as I had expected. Each cut was agony but aftre about the 30th cut my leg was pretty much getting numb. I did learn one thing quickly though. Sterile swabs are not good for mopping up blood, it was my only oversite during the whole procedure. lint from the cotton swabs made a right state so i quickly switched to gauze pads. The rest of the cutting went according to plan. Each incision was then rubbed with peroxide which was a whole shitload more painfull than the actuall cutting. The thing that surprised me most was that i didnt go into shock afterwards, im pretty prone to headrushed when im injured, they dont cause me to pass out only for things to go a little grey. There was nothing like that this time only the fantastic endorphine high! Man I really am a junkie! Once it had initially scabbed over I scrubbed it once a day in the shower with one of those 'body exfoliator' things, I found that it didnt hurt as much if the water softened up the scar a bit before i scrubbed. With the constant picking and scrubbign it took about 2 and a half months to heal anywhere near fully. All of the lines are even, straight as they can be expected to be and the same colour so I was pretty proud of myself for it! A fair few people know that i have a scarification piece my brother completely changed his mind about "sick" people cutting patterns in their skin but in general all my friends have been a mix of "gross, sick, freak" and "wow thats so cool" obviously ive gotten the usual "did it hurt" and Why's? the did it hurt question is always the one thing that messes with my head. someone spends 1 and a half hours cutting themself 64 times, with a scalpel, like its NOT going to hurt!!!!! ah well, thanks for reading this! leonie

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 24 Aug. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Myself
Studio: My+Bedroom
Location: Cumbria%2C+UK

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