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Not the best way to get a brand...

Well it all started when I began experimenting with cutting/burning myself. I got a rush from the pain, and I liked to test my limits. I would heat my small pocketknife in a candle flame and hold it against my arm until I couldn't feel the burn anymore. Eventually I got the idea that I could actually put something in my arm, rather than just random scars. I already knew where I was going to brand myself (the left shoulder), but I didn't know quite what to put. Eventually I decided I'd burn the word 'pain' into my arm. Ya, I know it seems corny, but I think it's rather suiting, and more importantly it means something to me. I've been fascinated by pain and how the body reacts to it, and I'm a bit of a masochist. Anyway, I sat down in my room one night and got ready. The first night I burned the P and A into my arm, and did the I and N the following night. I would have done it all in one night, but I REALLY didn't want to risk having my parents to walk in on me burning myself. The procedure was the same each night. First I went to the basement bathroom, and wrote the letters on my shoulder where I wanted them, then returned to my room. I lit the candle took out my shitty knife, put on some music, and took a few deep breaths. Unless you've ever been deeply burned, you can't truly understand the pain. I simply can't describe it. I could feel my flesh being burnt away, hear the bubbling of my skin, and smell the small tail of smoke that rose from my shoulder. I was in heaven and hell at the same time. Just remembering it sends waves of pleasure through my body. For me, pleasure truly does come from pain. So I was done, and my arm was very sore, but I was so happy I didn't care. I probably should have been a lot more careful, but I wasn't thinking or something, and before long it became obvious that it was infected. The dull constant pain of an infection is much worse then any other pain I can think of, so word to the wise: "Take care of your body-mods. Infections is bad." I got some hydrogen peroxide and starting putting it on the brand every night and morning. I'm not sure if I was disappointed or relived to discover it didn't hurt when I put it on. After a while I had to pull the pus-ridden scabs off before putting the peroxide on because of how deeply I had burned myself. After a while a got the infection under control, but I kept putting the stuff on just to be safe. I'd learned my lesson. I found out how quickly news of something like this can travel in a small town. I told one or two of my close friends, and I think a couple other people may have found out about it by eavesdropping or snooping. In a few weeks I had people I didn't even know asking to see my brand. The usual response I got was shock. I'm amazed how many people asked if it hurt. The smart people were the ones who asked how much it hurt. So now about five months later I'm still pleased with how it turned out. My family is less pleased, and yes my mother did find out. I'm sure she had some suspicions due to the amount of bleeding my brand did while it was healing. Let's just say that one side of my pillowcase looked like it had been used to cover a bullet wound. I plan on getting some kind of tattoo on or around the actual brand. Not to cover it, but to highlight it. Probably something involving razor wire. If anyone has any ideas please, e-mail me. I defiantly should say, DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME. Ya, I know. I'm a hypocrite. But I could have easily screwed up, and if I hadn't caught that infection I could have lost my arm, or it could have spread to my heart, and then I wouldn't be around to write this. If you want a brand then great, but go to a professional. A brand isn't worth your life. In all it was defiantly a unique experience, especially for my first body-mod. I hadn't even gotten my ear pierced yet, although I have a ring in it now. I'm planning on getting at least a few more piercings, and at least two separate tattoos. Lastly I have to say that I love my brand, despite, or maybe because of the trouble I went through to get it. If I had to do it all over again, I would.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 14 July 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: my+bedroom
Location: Alberta

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