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Now it is part of my physical self...

This is my story about a little brand I did myself. First I will give you a little background. I have been fascinated with piercings and tattoos for almost all my life. Also I like to cut and burn myself. I am not sure of the reason, it is fun to do I guess. I only did random cuts and burns, and hid them so that people wouldn't think I am crazy. I was looking around this site and stumbled on the pictures of scarification. For some reason I had never thought of what I was doing as an art form like those pictures were. I spent like all day researching scarification; I was so amazed by it. The pictures of cuts and brands that I saw had so much more character then any tattoo or piercing I had ever seen. After I learned everything that I thought I should know, I decided that I was going to give myself a brand that night. I went up to my room and locked my door. I put on some music to help me clear my head. I got out two different razors. (In a story that I read on BME the girl used a razor.. it seemed like a good idea.) One was an exacto knife and the other was just a plain razor. Then I lit a big candle. I sat there just thinking, because I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to burn in to my flesh. After meditating for about a half an hour I knew exactly what I wanted. I was going to put three small X's in a row on my ankle. It means a lot to me. I chose to live the straight edge lifestyle and it is the only label that I like. I think that everyone who is straight edge uses self-control and burning your self also takes self-control. (There is pain when you burn yourself...) It is hard to explain exactly what I was feeling at this time and exactly what it means to me. First I traced what I wanted onto my skin by just pressing the razor to my flesh, not hard enough to cut it though. This was very simple. Now I was ready for the fun of burning myself. I decided to use the exacto knife because it had a handle and I would have more control over it. I unscrewed the top and reversed the razor so that the pointy edge was inside the handle and there was a straight, flat edge sticking out. It wasn't sharp, but that doesn't matter because I was just going to heat it up. The only reason why I used that side was because it was the perfect size to make the lines in the X's. (If you have no idea what I am talking about.. get your self an exacto knife and try it out.) I stuck it in the flame of the candle for about 10 seconds, to make sure it was really hot. Then made the first strike for the X. Like this . I held the metal to my skin until I couldn't feel it anymore then I stuck it back in the flame of the candle and did the next line of the X. Like this /. My first X was complete. I repeated the same procedure for the next two X's. I could have stopped there, but I wanted a really good scar so I heated up the piece of metal on my exacto knife and went over each line on the X's. I thought that burning the exact same area of skin again would hurt even more, but it there was less pain the second time. Since it didn't hurt the second time I decided to do it a third time. Thinking back on it, I don't know if this made any difference in the way the scar turned out. I put away all of the supplies I used. Then I found some peroxide, I read that this helps scarring, I put it on that on the burns. Then I tried to go to sleep. I couldn't fall asleep because I had such an adrenaline rush. Two days later I used toothpaste and a toothbrush to irritate the scar. I would brush the burns for about five minutes, every other day. I always kept it covered because I was still scared that someone would think I was crazy, plus if someone did see it I wouldn't want them to see the ugly scabs. I would want them to see the beautiful scar that I created. I did the scar a month ago and it is still not fully healed. I don't brush it anymore but I pick at the scab every chance I get. It isn't as perfect as I wanted it to be. The first X is a little thicker then the others and the last X has one leg that is shorter then the rest. I don't know if I will fix them later or leave it, it still means the same thing to me and it gives the whole thing character. No one has seen the X's yet; I am not ready to let anyone in to my world yet. I am very happy with it and don't regret what I did. I hope that if you are thinking about doing something like this that my story helped you in some way.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 21 June 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: My+room
Location: My+House

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