my beautiful branding
I had always been a cutter, I always liked the sensation of pain. I read an experience on BME about a self-done brand. I had never even thought I could do it myself. I decided to go for it and took out my little knife I had. I lit my candle and started out ontop of my left wrist in a star pattern. I jumped a few times at the stinging, only because I didnt really have an expectation of what it would feel like, but it really didn't hurt that much, just stung a little bit. It took a couple weeks to heal and after peeling numerous scabs and layers of skin, it turned out beautifully. I had already begun thinking of new brandings I could do by then. I was obsessed with how wonderfully the other one had turned out. I drew out tons and tons and tons of star patterns anywhere I could find blank paper. Since stars are kinda my "thing" I decided on this really cool curved chain of stars. I think it was like my 7th drawing or something ridiculous. I really wanted it to be perfect. I knew I'd have it for a long time, if not forever, and I wanted to be sure that I'd like it. I decided I wanted it a lot bigger this time and in a spot that would be better and easier to hide. I decided that I wanted it accross my back. I asked my best friend if she would do it for me, and she happily agreed. She totally wanted to. Shes always been into the same stuff I am and her and I have been into piercing and body modification for a long while now. Shes the only other person that I know that's my age, that is into body modification and piercings and stuff. I told her I wanted it on my back and that I wanted it a bit deeper this time, because last time the scar turned out nicely, but its not very big, and I wanted the scars on my back to be big and noticable when I'm wearing tank tops and such. She drew it out how I wanted first, and that's what actually took us the longest. I am kinda picky about my art and body and I wanted it just right. She drew it about 50 times, each time it was a bit crooked or a star was off. Finally it was perfect, and i layed down and prepared myself. I didnt expect it to hurt at all of course...because my other one hardly did at all...the other one was just a nice stinging SENSATION. A good one at that. Finally, she started out by my left shoulderblade. This time hurt a lot more then last time and I whimpered frequently. She kept stopping and asking if I was okay. I enjoyed the whole thing a lot. It took her quite a while, but I didn't mind. The branding/cutting stretches accross my back from shoulderblade to shoulderblade. In a nice curved star chain. The healing was a bitch. Wearing anything over it hurt like hell. I had to have her peel the skin and all the scabs and we spent lots of time cleaning it, especially in the school bathrooms over toilets and sinks. It's still not all the way healed but I think it's gorgeous already. It almost looks like someone drew accross my back in a beautiful design. I love it with all my heart and I'm having pictures taken once its healed. So everyone be ready. :) I know I didn't do this right at all...and I know that I probably put myself in great danger or whatever. I'm not condoning home done mods. I am meerly saying that I knew what I wanted to do and I knew the way my body works. I wanted it and I tend to get obsessive about things I want sometimes. I know people who have done home piercings and mods, some of them had to be retired and some are beautiful. Most of them actually turned out pretty nicely.
If I was to do it over, I probably would have iced it a bit. I thought that I probably shouldnt ice it because I wanted it to scar over correctly. I know scars can migrate and spread and I wanted my scars to be nice thick clear lines. Not some big blob that looks like a birthmark or anything. I'd actually like to try an actual CUTTING, with designs. Usually it's just about the pain that I like but I am starting to really get into the artistic standpoint.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 09 May 2001