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I cannot belive I did this to myself!

I was on BME this afternoon just looking around. I am a total virgin to body

modifications. I just started my interest last December. Since I was ten I begged my mom to pierce my navel but she said I had to wait till 14 (haha that's real soon). Ok, so I was dieing to modify something..piercing, tattoo, anything. I was also talking to my friend Alyssa who recently pierced her navel and tongue web by herself (so fucking brave) and suggested I do the same. Since barbells are very noticeable and my parents are so observant she suggested a cutting. My first reaction was NO WAY. All these thoughts when though my head. Ow that would HURT!, I could NEVER do that, and so on. I love blood but it some weird was I was really scared of bleeding. But I also pictured a cute triangle or star scar on my hip and I liked it. So I decided to open my mind. I saw the pictures...they looked horrible. I mean they looked awesome and SO cool but so much blood and pain....I could never do that.

Shaking my head, I went into my room I thought really hard. That would

be awesome. I knew I would like it. Then I decided I would do it! It was 6:30. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't understand really what I was soppse to do. I read somewhere a girl used a razor so thats what I got. I found a razor and locked the door. I broke off the plactic handle and part of the plastic ends so that the razor stuck out. I had a little tiny sharp object to cut with. I called it my weapon. Stood in front of a bright light and poked myself. Then I realized I was making useless marks. So I got out a pen. I wasn't that good with my hands so I wanted something easy for my first one (hah I am so doing this again!) so I didn't draw anything hard like a star or flower. I drew four lines ninety degrees away from each other forming a spark or a cross with no middle or something to that sort. Lines were probably the easyest right? I looked at it in the mirror. So good. Then I got the razor and poked/scratched my skin. I had no idea what I was doing. Nothing happened to the skin on my hip so I did a little scrap on my arm. Ouch. That hurt. But it was so east to cut the skin (right now it's still red but looks like I fell on something) I went down to my hip again, Scrape, Cut, Jab. I couldn't do it hard cause I am a wimp. It hurt. Scrap scrap. Red lines were appering (it looked cool) but no blood. The lines did hurt. I felt like a wimp. My father was bothering me about eating dinner. We don't have family values so I ate in my room. When I sat down the thing hurt. I tried again to make the cuts. I only had a tiny speck of blood. I never would have estimated that it would take so long. Something I was doing was wrong, :( So at about 7:15 I paged Alyssa three times. All of them were a 911 and she wasn't calling back. Maybe she didn't understand that this was an emergency. I needed to finish it. I need to cut and make a scar. I felt so determined. I tried to get my mind somewhere else. I tried to do my math homework. I think I did half a problem. I couldn't concentrate. She finally called. I told her what I was doing. She laughed. Then she suggested that I use something else. And press hard. I tried a dead pen over the red and I got a little blood. I was so proud. Then my mom started screaming for me to take a shower...no prob. Told Alyssa I would call her back. Took my little razor with me. In the shower I was progressing and making lines. It was bleeding a lot more and looked way better. Getting it wet was a big mistake. The pen markings were gone, the blood was gone (how sad) and I was panicing because now I might mess up. When I was out of the shower I was in lots of pain. I called Alyssa back. She said to make the lines better use something like a wire from a spiral notebook. So I cut a piece. WOW. Big difference. Wider deeping lines. More Blood. Yeah! I was ready to kiss her. In the middle of my "masterpiece" I remebered that I was useing an unsteril object to cut my self and there was blood so I washed it with anti-bacterial soap(that won't help...what was I thinking..I am new at this) I kept doing it. Some of the lines a deeper and wider then others. At 8:00 it was almost done. Not too deep, I would worry about that later. It was crooked. But I didn't care. I scrubbed it with a washcloth. At 8:43 the pain was stabbing me. Owww. I am such a wimp. It is ok. The bleeding is done but I think it's not gonna come out well. Oh well.. It's ten now. And I love it. It's so beautiful. Like when yopu give birth and its really ugly baby but to you its so beautiful.The only regret was not cleaning anything. Wow. This is the most awesome thing that I have ever done. I can't wait to do more. P.S. What was really helpful was supportive, mod. obsessive friends :) If you are interested in trying this and you are very new.. Talk to people first. They have lots of helpful tips and they know how. Don't worry. Before I do this again I am gonna do more research on the topic so I do it well and better. :)

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 18 April 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: my+bedroom
Location: hawaii

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