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my self spiral cutting at 15

After realizing how easily I scar (I've been cutting myself since I was 10), and after searching BME for hours at a time (BME ROCKS!), I decided that I wanted a self-designed scar. I looked at some cuttings in the scarification section, and they were all so beautiful. I couldn't believe the intricacy of some of the designed, I was just amazed. I knew that I could never cut as well as that, I couldn't even think of a design so beautiful, but I thought a simple smaller piece would do just fine. Like every time I'm about to get a new mod, I read everything I could about cutting. I talked to some people whose experiences I read, and I asked probably hundreds of questions. I researched more than usual, since this time, my mod would be permanent, and I didn't want to fuck myself up too badly. Everyone I talked to helped me so much, and the QOD section had almost all the answers to the questions I had.

Now I had to think of a design and where to put it. My parents are

pretty conservative (by my standards at least) and believe that piercing in places other than the ears are just disgusting, so I had to find a spot on my body they wouldn't be looking at too often. I finally settled on the outside of my left ankle, because if anything, I can just always wear socks around my parents, and I don't think that'd be too difficult. Now that I knew where to put my cut, I just had to decide what I was going to cut. I doodled for hours, and finally came up with a spirally "S" that was really awesome. I don't know why it took me so long. I love spirals so much. The margins of all of my notebooks have spirals everywhere, and the whole back of my French book is covered with them. I loved the design, and decided I wouldn't mind having it on my body for the rest of my life. The day that I cute, I was pretty nervous. In the morning, I cleaned everything I would be using as well as I could. I boiled the razor, then rubbed it down with hydrogen peroxide. The cotton ball looked a little dirty, and I was kind of confused, but then I realize that I read in the QOD once that often times, razors are coated with oil. So I just put on more peroxide until the cotton balls didn't get dirty anymore. I washed my leg with dial, then rubbed it down with hydrogen peroxide. After I patted it dry with a tissue, I used a pen to outline my design onto my ankle. It looked great, and I was so excited. I put on some Radiohead, and lit some incense to get into the right mood. The first cut was a little startling. I know what it feels like to be cut, but since I was going deeper than usual, it hurt a little more. I went over the cutting a few different times, having to wipe the blood off with an alcohol soaked cotton ball every time. I'm telling you, it may sound weird, but there is nothing more exciting than watching blood pouring down your leg, it was probably the best thing I've ever seen. After a little while, I could hardly feel the pain anymore, so I kept going deeper and deeper. When I felt I was done, I covered it with a sterile gauze pad and used band- aids to keep it on. This was horrible because it just wouldn't stop bleeding. I ended up putting on 3 more gauze pads and keeping my leg up in the air until the bleeding slowed down.

My cut was surprisingly good since I've never done anything like this,

and I'm a pretty bad artist. For the next couple weeks, twice a day, I scrubbed the wound with a toothbrush so the scab would come off, then rub salt in it. To wash the salt off, I poured alcohol into the cut. It hurt like a bitch every single time, but it was definitely worth it. The best part of the whole healing process was pulling off a huge spiral scab at my friend Sarah's house, and keeping it there  . After two weeks, I stopped with the "aftercare" and let it finish healing. Now it's a nice scar, not raised, but really pretty. It's purplish, and I'm kind of worried that it might fade since it's not raised at all. Oh well, its beautiful now, and I love wearing cropped pants without socks so I can show it off to everyone. Sure I got a few "oh my god, you need help" and "that's self- mutilation" comments, but I can always ignore those. On a scale from 1-10, I rate my experience an 8. I would definitely do this again, and I'm actually in the process of designing another cut. I haven't decided where to put it though. So anyway, if you have any questions or anything, email/ IM me at Redleopard07@aol.com. And before you do any kind of mod yourself, be sure to research tons. BME is a great help, and I think it's probably the best website of all time. Thanks for reading!

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 13 April 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: me
Studio: my+bedroom
Location: my+house%2C+in+chicago

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