Thinking of non-pierced
I had been wanting to get some sort of piercing but the thought of a piece of metal hanging off of me was not what I thought as manly. I would much rather have the look of "war-torn" or something like that that is more masculine and makes me feel that way. I thought of tatoos also but they seem to be a 'statement' and I don't really want a statement but just a conversation piece. I thought I could do it myself but I'm a chicken. Finally I thought what the hell so I headed off to S-Art and looked at some pictures of their work. It looked scary and I thought I'd do it then chickened out and went home. I thought about it all night and then went down there again the next day. I looked around more and talked to Steven who made me feel better but I still couldn't get the balls to do it. I thought a small scarification on my shoulder would be a good start and so we did that. A small cross on my shoulder. It didn't hurt much and it healed well. I was stepping over the line, the line of what has become socially acceptable 'body modifications'. Scarification is just as old as piercing and tattooing but somehow the desire to cut yourself, to slice through your own skin and flesh seems to be connected, and consequently confused with mental instability and illness. People appear ready to accept pushing needles through every part of your body and sticking numerous varieties of jewellery in the resultant space. Or having someone use motorised needles to push ink deeply and permanently through your epidermis to make a picture, but they fail to comprehend the psychological intricacies of scarification. Why is that? (that's a different track so I'll just keep to my experience for the moment and you can email me for my deeper thoughts if you fancy some chat). I was scared of what I was about to do. Yes I was scared of the pain but I was also intrigued as to where it might lead. Where will my mods take me? Down which road will they guide me, in turn, meeting what sorts of people I wonder? Currently being in a career where appearance matters (a teacher of English as a foreign language) affects my aesthetics. I have to find an acceptable middle ground between modification and employment.....for the moment anyway. It looked great and I was so happy with it. People would pull up my sleeve with shocked expressions, 'What the hell happened?!' they would ask. That was the most common comment. Although, I ran into some pretty unique, awesome people who just said, 'Mmm..good idea. Maybe I'll give that a try'! That just wasn't good enough, though. It was plain and boring, and fading fast. So one night I introduced myself to burning. I think this originated from self-injury as well. I never minded heat when I was growing up, and I figured wannabe's (like the people at my school) would rather cut themselves than burn themselves. So, I heated this pin up (a pin off of a old button) with my candle flame and pressed it into my skin. I pressed it in at every corner of the star, for a funky little design. I loved the way my skin would pop, making me jump, yet not move the pin, and how my skin would just melt, like there was no pain at all. Are you wondering if this will be painful? Well, I must admit, I did. I just ended up not caring, though. If you are really concerned about the pain, maybe you aren't ready to attack your body with razors and flames. Just a small suggestion. I wouldn't recommend what I did, but I must admit, it sure was some fun. I know I will resort back to my razors and flames soon enough. I just have to
decide what design and where. Maybe another star, or maybe a broken heart on my hip bone? Sometimes I think of the silliest questions, like what will
people that see my body when I'm older think. Most of the time I just give up caring about that. I mean, if I'm wondering what people will think when
I'm older, I'm obviously not ready to make permanent adjustments to my body. I do it anyway, though. I wouldn't recommend what I did, but I must admit, it sure was some fun. I know I will resort back to my razors and flames soon enough. I just have to decide what design and where. Maybe another star, or maybe a broken heart on my hip bone? Sometimes I think of the silliest questions, like what will people that see my body when I'm older think. Most of the time I just give up caring about that. I mean, if I'm wondering what people will think when I'm older, I'm obviously not ready to make permanent adjustments to my body. I do it anyway, though.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 02 April 2001