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a beautiful star

I've always loved (and still love) tattoos and piercings. Unfortunately, my parents don't. So, when I wanted a tattoo at 15, I knew there was no way unless I did it myself. After careful thought I decided I did not want another tattoo. I have one self-done tattoo on my ankle. I was beginning to get into Wicca, and decided on a five-pointed star. I wanted a pentagram, but I knew I would not be able to make a nice circle. The underside of my wrist seemed like a good spot, but proved to be a not-so-smart location (ill get into that in a bit). So, one night after everyone was asleep (I'm a night person, luckily, so my mom wasn't suspicious why my light was on), I lit candle, then rummaged through my nighttable for an exacto blade. I chose to use a dull one because the blade had more width to it. Next I drew the star on my wrist with washable marker. I was beginning to get very anxious and giddy, so I had to take a few calming breaths. I already knew what it was going to feel like, since I had already been cutting and burning myself for a few years. After I was nice and relaxed, I heated the blade until I could smell the metal, then lined it up with the marked and pressed down as hard as I could stand. There was a slight sizzle sound when the metal hit my flesh. It didn't hurt much at all, but I'm sure all the adrenaline rushing through my veins had a lot to do with that. My whole body was filled with a warm and somewhat calming feeling. I went on and did the other four lines, but those went much faster than the first one. Then I re-did the five lines a couple more times. It was fun, for lack of a more descriptive word. My wrist kind of went numb and all I could feel was the warmth. I admired my wonderful star for quite a while. I was in a sort of daze, I guess. After a while I snapped back to reality and remembered I had school the next day (well, later that day would be more accurate), I crept into the bathroom and washed the burn in cool water. It was red all around the burn, but it didn't really hurt yet. I peeled off the burnt skin, with minimal pain and went to sleep. The next morning it looked about the same as I did when I went to sleep. Which, is now obvious to me why- I had only slept a few hours. About halfway through the day, I checked it again and some crusties had formed. I was at school, so there wasn't much I could do about it. Ha, ha, I could have gone to the nurse! "Umm, Mrs. Miller, can I have some antibacterial stuff for this?" Now that I think about it, that would have been pretty funny. In my twisted sense of humor, at least ;). It's a good thing I did this in winter so I could hide it under long sleeves. It was a bit sore for the next couple days, but manageable. On around the second day it got a thin scab, which I peeled off. Okay, am I the only one who thinks minor burn scabs are fun to peel off? During the following week or so a new scab would form, and I, of course, peeled it off. I usually picked and peeled it in class when I got bored.

Well, anyway, the healing went along good considering my lack of cleaning it, but I would highly recommend anyone doing this to keep their art clean.

About a month later I had a nice-looking scar. It was getting warm out, and I forgot to wear longsleeves around my mom one day. (BIG mistake) This is when I had realized a different spot would have been wiser. She saw it and flipped out. I tried to explain to her that I viewed it as art and I wasn't doing it to hurt myself. But, she tends to over-react and made me go to a psychologist. After wasting a bunch of money, the doc told my mom I'm a very strange girl, but besides that, I'm okay. So, for anyone with over-reactive parents, make sure you keep your art covered, even if you think they won't notice. Now, its over three years later, and all I have left is a little dot on my wrist. I wish it would have lasted, but at least I still have the memory of it. I keep telling myself ill redo it one day. Someday...

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 24 March 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: me
Studio: my+bedroom
Location: united+states

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