I always liked the extreme, and from a young age I had piercings on my ears
and my nose. The last year, I started to like things I hated for a long time. Piercing of my left nipple was the first, and I done it without any thought. A Tattoo was the second, but I don't ever have money to do that. Scarification was the third, but two things made me hesitate. The first was the permanency. The second... I was afraid about the terrible pain I would inflict on myself. I was reading experiences of other people in BME, and as they said it hurt, I thought: "These people have done piercings on the oddest parts of the body, and they say it's painful, it must hurt like the Devil himself...". These thoughts were keeping me from doing anything on my body, although I'm not really afraid of pain. After all I hardly blinked when I pierced my nipple... The all thing started when I broke up with a girl I had. I was so in love with her that when we broke up I was thinking about her so much, I was constantly drunk and generally in a freaky situation. I called her "Kitty" in our good times, and at that time I thought that I should do a scarification on my left side of the chest, a cat's scratch. This was to show that my Kitty hurt me in the heart, by leaving me alone, as she knew that I wasn't going well with my mind. I wasn't brave enough to do that though... I looked in the Internet and I thought that I should overcome my fears and find courage to carve it. I tried to do it one day, but I found out that as the razor touched my skin, I shivered like I was left in Alaska naked... These days, I was with some friends in a bar, drinking alcohol... We were drunk after some time and gone to my house, to smoke some pot.After we were all dead from the drinks & the smokes, I gone into the bathroom with a large and very sharp razor... I was so drunk that I didn't think, I just started to put the razor in the left side of my breast. The pain started to fill my mind, the madness of my thought of scratching my body started to reach my shocked brain. Yet, I did not stop, the pain was sweet in a way, and the blood was flowing like water on the floor. I continued my work with the razor, and I smiled, a drunken smile, as I saw the image on my mirror... Then I burst into laughter, and I still can't explain why...
My friends watched me as I went out of the bathroom, and they were so afraid that you would think they had seen a ghost. Blood was running all over my body, painting my jeans red, and I was standing with a wide smile and cold eyes, a bloody razor in my hand...The pain was bearable, but I think this only was so because I was drunk. I walked near them, and they started to yell things like : "What have you done madman?" , "You're truly crazy" and "Oh God! That had to hurt a LOT!". I just stared at them with that same smile on my lips and told them : "You're very funny with that look in your face." Then the world blurred and I fell down, feeling the pain only as my eyes plunged into darkness... The next day it hurt like hell! My friends took care of it as I stood on the floor, sleeping, and a couple of them stayed with me. When I woke up, I could hardly move without aching. I started to regret it, cause I didn't know if the scars would last the way I did them. The whole day was filled with an unbearable pain... The case was like this: I made the two scratches too deep, and when they healed, they were so obvious, that even under the tee-shirt they stood out. But the rest scratches were not so deep, and they healed normally, leaving only a small, hardly noticeable mark on my chest... These days I was pretty depressed with the look of my scarred body in the mirror. I hated myself for doing such a silly act, that can never be changed... Now, I like these scars, even though they are not what I had in my mind. After all they mean something to me. They taught me two things. First, if I try I can overcome all my fears, and do whatever I want. Second, not to do risky things when I'm drunk, LOL! I hope you enjoyed reading my story.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 03 March 2001