Gracing my body with blood
A Slice of Yuppie... Im 20. Scars on my arm... Scars on my Leg... Slight Scars on the very hands I use to type this ... I can remember the first time I cut myself. It wasnt that deep, but it was about 11 inches long. Top of my thigh, to the knee almost. I grabbed a razor and ran it along my leg ever so slowly. The most beautiful shade of silence ran down my leg, and I was Scared. It was so natural, to just pick up the tool and et it glide across my leg. I was Exciting and i liked the way it felt. It was so completey arousing and made me feel sooooo safe. Relieved. Weird sense of security I guess, but SECURE nonetheless. It was THAT secure feeling that intimidated me the most, and I didnt cut myself again for a little while.
HOWEVER: The more I realized what i had done, and how it made me feel,
the MORE i thought about doing it again. It began very innocently, if thats
at all possible to say, but has grown into a much more intricate thing. I
used to use scissors and items that were simply sharp. I have since then
moved onto razor blades and I am much more detailed with when what and how i
cut. I have cut myself and most of the time what I do heals and goes away. I
do have some more dramatic scars, but none are visible, except for my arm. On
my arm, there are a cluster of vcarious scars from razor blades. Theyre are
tiny and i have grown fond of them. Those are mainly "self mutilating- self
hating " scars from my teenage years, and i usually tell my closer friends
who ask, just that. The scars on my upper right leg are a series of about
nine different (1/2 inch ) scars that I have acccepted as never-going away.
There are 2 rows of these 9 scars parallel to each other and they have been
there for about 5 years. THOSE HURT! the others didnt hurt that bad, i guess
that's why they are light or didnt scar. But this hurt like a bitch. It IS
pretty and I do like its design.
Most of my scarification is on my upper arms. I didnt realize how visible they were, and I didnt think people would be so blunt as to ask what and why they were there. From this I think I have learned to accept what I do and regard it as a personal taste that I should not be ashamed of. Had I known then what I know now... I would have made all of my scars in hidden places. I practically drool everytime I think of having my back done, but I am still a little leary of giving someone else power over me like that. I think I want a bullseye on my upper middle- back. I havent done any scarification for about 6 months, but I have been thinking about it constantly and wondering how to incorporate it into a sexual experience. The only blood drawing experience I have had during sex, is having my neck bitten. mmm I think the break from doing it, has made me come to terms with the fact that "scarification" like anything else, is body art. It is just as much a tatoo or a body piercing to me. I makes me "unique" in body, and my scars symbolize many things for me, and they hold a mountain of beauty. The feeling before I start is incredible. so many emotions running through my body, and so many things I want to get out of it. So- I didnt mean to bore the shit out of you- but this is my deal with scarification. It isnt for everyone, but hey, It works for me. As long as it is done safe and clean, then I dont really see how it differs from a tatoo or piercing. A few things that I found helpful, and a few things that someone reading this might agree with, is THINK ABOUT WHAT YOURE DOING. Realize and accept that it is not something most of the population agrees with. It is weird for a lot of people, so if you're not content with who you are and what you participate in, then DO NOT scar yourself in a plce where people can see. I think that holds true for most body modifications. People are automatically invited into your personal life when you display something like that. Just a thought on that- I would like to have someone else scar me, ya know, give up some control and let another do it. I'm currently on the hunt for a comfortable place. Anyways.... Maybe I should submit some writings about other areas of interest. I have many things I could write that pertain to different aspects of this awesome site. Just thought I'd share some inside stuff . violet
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 21 Feb. 2001