Everyone Could Use a Good Brand
I would like to first say that I believe, atleast for myself, that the more meaning you put into a modification the happier you will be in the long run. Though aestetic quality is important it isn't everything. I decided to brand myself sorta spur of the moment. Up to that point i had been pierced and tattooed and loved the feeling of both. I wanted to try something new, get off on new endorphines. I diden't plan to do it that night but at the time I was living with my parents and as usual they were fighting. I remember when i was younger and they would fight I would knee myself in the nose too make it bleed, I dont know why but it made me feel better. I also used to sew my snatch up, I dont really know why but it felt pretty good. Anyway...so I just wanted to escape for a while, I was sick of they're shit, sick of feeling shitty. So I decided to give myself a branding. I did it rather crudely with a hanger heated over a candle flame. There is something so purifying about fire. I diden't know what I really wanted branded into me, so I just started and figured I would do something interesting, I was more about the actual feeling. God, it was intense...healing. It hurt but in a good way, I screamed, I cried, I got it all out. The sound of my skin sizzling urged me in, the smell was pungent but good, almost tasty like sex. The feeling was so wonderful, an orgazm through my skin. I shook like I was cumming each time the metal touched my skin. Afterwards i layed and played with myself, felt all my skin. I was so aware of my body, so content, satisfied. I wasen't mad at my parents or myself anymore, I was just aware of why things were the way they were. How we had gotten out of touch with ourselves and eachother. LOL, I know it sounds cheesy but whatever, it is an awaking experience. the healing process was fun. Each day the brand took on a differnt color. The first few days it was really raw and fun too pour peroxide on. then it started scabbing, yum. It healing into a nice rough patch of scar that i can feel through my jeans. Sometimes it will change color with the weather. I guess it shows there is still blood circulating, in the scar tissue. Sometime sit will be pink or purple, sometimes my flesh color, it's neat. My brand leaves something to be desired aesteticly speaking but I am happy with it. Well I am a about 350 words short so I guess I will tell about another experience, a not so happy one. A few years ago I went into a local studio on South St. to inquire about some piercings,I had been pierced there before. I will admit I was very attracted to the piercer and we flirted alot. I went in to ask about getting my nipples pierced and he asked if i wanted to see what it felt like. I was very turned on by the idea of play piercing so I said yes. So he told me too take my shirt off and I did, he locked the door of teh shop, which I dont know why i didnet say anything. I guess i was till excited. so he pierced me and i thought taht was it. it waent, he told me not to move, and got top of me and started jerking off. I dident like that and told him to stop, he didnet. I tried too push himmoff me, it was so strange. I had fantasys about this, someone overpowering me but I dident know him and i dident like it. He held me down and after pulling my pants down he came on me. I hated it, it was so gross, it ruined a fantasy of mine. So i guess someone had heard me screaming becuase when i went to the door a cop was there. I had my chance to tell him what happened but I diden't. I was scared, I just wanted to go. So he got away with it. a few monthes later i strted seeing a guy from another shop. So one day I started telling him what happened and stopped but he urged me on. Afterwards he told me that his freind had almost been raped by the same guy and that i should go to the police to back her up. I am o sorry i diden't. At the time I was already involved in my own reporting my own rape and so far the cops werent doing anything. I am so sorry. I know what it feels like to have knowone to back you up or foe them to be too chicken shit to do anything. I am sorry.
Since all of this I have run into a girl who shared the same experience wioth the same guy. I feel so stupid, if I had reported it it wouldent have happened again. I guess what i am trying to say is that we need to be strong and confront people when they victimise us. I have alot of unresolved issues becuase I let myself be continuely vistimised, it likes they can smell it on me. You have my email, so if any of you ever want to talk about this stuff I am here, It helps me to tell people, these things need to be out in the open so poeple can deal with it, not taboo and hush hush. Even if you cannot label it as a crime if you feel violated you need to do something about it. I am here.... Amatha
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 06 Feb. 2001