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is it SELF INJURY or just SCARIFICATION?

I can't tell if what I am doing to my body is considered scarification or self-injury anymore. All I know is I find myself saying, 'Ooh..a star could look quite pretty there..' I have always loved the shape of stars, but just this year I got a bit eccentric about them. I have clips for my hair of stars, now a scar of one, undies with them, earrings, and soon to have a CBR of one. I consider myself pretty much obsessed. They always remind me of my childhood, which I miss. And, for all of you old people, I mean childhood as in 5 years of age! Silly head! :D The thing that I always fear about scarring myself is my parents. They are constantly watching my arms for new scars and scabs, ever since they saw my arm when I was going through a rough time. If you have parents like mine, I wouldn't recommend it, but what can I do, huh? I suppose I sometimes use scarification as an excuse for being too young for tattoos (I'm only 14). I hate being young, and not being able to make choices about my own body. When my parents don't let me do anything, besides to my ears I just feel like attacking them. Yelling about how it really is MY body, and how they shouldn't have any say of what I do to it. As long as I pay for it, and take it as my responsibility to take care of it, it should be just peachy. Unfortunately, my parents are dummies. Ah well, one day. Until then I can continue stretching my lobes and threatening to pierce myself. It all started with some small X's engraved into my hands and arms with my trusty razor one night. I honestly believe this was self-injury, but part of me just tells myself that I have a fetish for scars. Then it progressed into a nice star shape on the bottom side of my lower arm. At first I just cut it with my razor. I was quite satisfied. I cleaned my razor with some piercing solution, and some Spectro Gram 2. Then I cleaned off my arm with Hydrogen Peroxide. I don't even think I did this part right, but it worked fine for me. No infections at all - it healed immediately. I wouldn't recommend what I did though; you could get one nasty infection. It looked great and I was so happy with it. People would pull up my sleeve with shocked expressions, 'What the hell happened?!' they would ask. That was the most common comment. Although, I ran into some pretty unique, awesome people who just said, 'Mmm..good idea. Maybe I'll give that a try'! That just wasn't good enough, though. It was plain and boring, and fading fast. So one night I introduced myself to burning. I think this originated from self-injury as well. I never minded heat when I was growing up, and I figured wannabe's (like the people at my school) would rather cut themselves than burn themselves. So, I heated this pin up (a pin off of a old button) with my candle flame and pressed it into my skin. I pressed it in at every corner of the star, for a funky little design. I loved the way my skin would pop, making me jump, yet not move the pin, and how my skin would just melt, like there was no pain at all. Are you wondering if this will be painful? Well, I must admit, I did. I just ended up not caring, though. If you are really concerned about the pain, maybe you aren't ready to attack your body with razors and flames. Just a small suggestion. I wouldn't recommend what I did, but I must admit, it sure was some fun. I know I will resort back to my razors and flames soon enough. I just have to decide what design and where. Maybe another star, or maybe a broken heart on my hip bone? Sometimes I think of the silliest questions, like what will people that see my body when I'm older think. Most of the time I just give up caring about that. I mean, if I'm wondering what people will think when I'm older, I'm obviously not ready to make permanent adjustments to my body. I do it anyway, though. I have a fetish for stars, and a fetish for scars. So, was this self-injury, or was it true scarification? I don't know. I cannot tell. I don't think I did most of this to inflict pain upon myself, but part of me thinks I did. Maybe I'm just confused about the whole scarification self-injury stuff. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 20 Jan. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: me%2C+myself+and+i
Studio: in+my+room%2C+with+my+trusty+razor%2C+matches%2C+candles%2C+and+pins
Location: My+bedroom%2C+on+my+bed

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