cutting is the only god.
I have always been depressed. Nothing but shit has happened since I was 2, and I've never fully recovered. When I was twleve years old, I got suicidal, and sliced my wrists several times. But I never really went beyond that. Then, after counsilling and going on pills, I realized that I no longer wanted to die, but only wanted to cut myself. I cut now on a regular basis. When I was on BME, I found the scarification place, and immadiatley fell in love. Enough of the boring one line one cuts, I wanted MORE. But I never really had the guts. I just kept on doing the straight one liners, only they got deeper and deeper. I loved the way that the razor went into my skin, and how the skin made a snapping sound when the cut completed its self. I love cutting. It is my ritual, it is my only belife. But then one day my mom caught me and I nearly had to get stitches. She didn't understand, she just said something about mutilation. I don't agree, but she doesn't realize that everyone has an opinion, and no opinion is wrong. She warned me about the chance of death, the scars. I love the scars. Why can't people just except individuality? People are slave. Find yourself. Be your self. Sorry... anyway, the cuts after that got worse and worse (in my case, this is better). And last night I got totally drunk outta my mind, and gave head and a hand job for the first time (I'm only 14). It meant nothing, I was just experimenting. So then when I got home, I thought, "what the fuck-i might as well try some scarification" so off I went. The first cut I made was on my hip. It was the deepest of all. I was going to do a star there, but the skin is so weak and stretchy that the cut spreads too much. So then I moved to my leg. I made two paralell lines on my thigh, and decided I wanted even more. So then I moved to my left arm, the basis of all my cutting. I added Three lines to the already cutted skin (from a week ago), and did my first design, a star inside of a circle. The star is one of those line stars, where you cross a whole bunch of lines together. That was pretty easy, only it kinda hurt when the cut intersected in the middle. For the circle I made small, deep lines all the way around. A circle is really hard to cut. Then I worked on my final body part, my foot. I made a line pattern on the top of my foot, and made a REALLY cool "X" on my big toe. I decided that when that scar heals and loses it's colour, I'm gonna get a tattoo over it. I was finally done. It was the best cutting spree I have ever gone on, I've never felt so wonderful. I just sat there in the dark and listened to Moby. I was in a state of bliss, and I still feel the slight relaxation. My god, it was wonderful. The few things I can say about cutting are first, GO DEEP. You will never get the same rush with a scartch. WOUND yourself. And also, don't forget to hide them under sleeves or whatever from your close aquantances. And have an excuse ready for anyone who suspects you of cutting your self. If you want a better scar, pick your scabs. As gross as it sounds, picking is a really good release. Well, I'm gonna close this off, but first of all, I have to recomend - www.self-injury.net - then click on "Do you SI", then click on "SI Survey" The survey asks a lotta questions that really help you get in touch with cutting, it makes it more spiritual and enjoyable, it makes you understand in everyway. It's so good to talk about it, cause barely anyone will relate or listen. Cutting is "bad" to them. Second, check out my other story in the Navel piercing section, it's called "INVERSE BELLY BUTTON!!!!!!"...I know the titles crazy.....I was really exited....so yea. What's next for me? I plan in getting a toe tattoo, I'm gonna try branding, get an inner conch, vertical bridge, and I'm gonna pierce my right nipple myself. Feel free to email me about anything.
"Life is a lesson, you learn it when you're through" -Limp Bizkit-
Reigon is Cult. Follow what you wanna follow, not a path chosen for you. Love life. Fear nothing. Alis Volat Propriis. ~ I have to add more cause apparently my story is too short, so I am going to write you all a poem: Self? Mis Judgement Confused Needs Understanding Self Needs comitment mis treated things too demanding people are every where yet I am alone my thoughts and dreams are ignored I am screaming as loud as I can in a room full of a thousand ears no one bothers to listen to me at the time I need them to the most No one to hold onto when I shed tears does anyone think to care? Does anyone ever bother to love me? There are people everywhere but not to help me when my heart bleeds People are everywhere they are all screaming at the top of their lungs but no one listens to them we are all screaming in a room of a thousand ears we are all shedding tears so many fears we are all together now understanding no one is screaming a thousand ears are listening to a thousand voices and I feel loved.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 20 Jan. 2001