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Un-Known Body Mods

started when i was about 12. I was in a deep depression and needed a way out of all of it so i needed to find a new release from the pain. My arm was itchy, and i could feel all the inner pain within me. I picked up a pair of scissors and drug it across my right arm, which was no easy task being in left handed, and using a pair of dull scissors. Instantly i could feel all the inner pain rush out of my body, it was great! Suddenly, all the pain and anger that was built up was released in a long slit across my forearm. I did this for a while, carving and crafting my arm with whatever sharp i could find, slitting ever piece of un-marked skin i could find. My arm was completely covered, instead of the normal flesh color, my arm was a nice shade of pink from all the scars that criss-crossed across my arm. I had all kinds of designs on my arm, I could make out the many words that i sliced into my arm still, the usual hate, pain, and love was repeated many times across my arm. But it wasn't enough now. I began to slit closer and closer to my wrist, i has always stayed away from there because i had no reason to die, but now it wasn't because i was depressed i did it, it was the thrill of the pain to just get me through the day. I had many cuts now across my wrist, and now my upper arm (which i will cover up my upper arm with a tattoo sometime later)and i was bored with the whole idea of hurting myself so i figured to try something new, to get it as deep as i can. What a mistake. I took a razor sharp knife, one of those serrated ones used in cutting meat (my dads a chef) and pushed it into the top of my wrist. Slowly i drug it downward to my forearm, pressing as hard as i could. I had never seen so much blood in my life come from me, it was everywhere. I felt strangely satisfied for now.

The wound took several weeks to heal, and i suffered greatly from it, i could not move my right hand at all except for my fingers, i could not turn my wrist or move it up or down. This wasn't from the pain, i could deal with that, but it was like my wrist was broken, or the nerves where gone, i could no longer control it. It took about a month before i could even start moving it up or down again. And to my amazement, the scar, out of all of them on my body, was the only one to heal fully, i have a little puncture mark from where i started cutting, but that is all that is left, and i am glad. I need no more reminders of those days, but now i live forever with reminders of my childhood, every single day wrote out across my forearm in a design of scars. The bloody noses, the bruises, the taunting, they are all written across my arm for me to remember ever. Now most people would find that depressing, looking down and seeing your past, but i take it as a sign of relief, to know i am strong enough to get through anything. That alone keeps me pushing every day to do my best, and not let anyone get me down, neither from my size, the way i look, the way i dress, or my unique personality.

I am 18 now, and it took me until i became a junior and met someone i could connect with to pass through these times. I am now a stronger person than any bully or idiot could ever be. I am unique, and i am strong. I am not a generic carbon-copy of the trendy popular way of life. I am who i am, no more, no less and no one can ever change this.And this is to all you, whether you have a facial tattoo, a bridge piercing, 1/2 lobes, a 00ga septum, or even implants, don't let anyone get you down, because in your quest for being unique you have found who YOU are, not what you are supposed to be. Now i know this really isn't a normal body mod, but it is one none-the-less, i earned my body mod from years of torment and pain. I am writing this mainly for the people who have had the same troubles i have, and earned their scars the same way, through fighting through the hard times in their life. And this is to show the true meaning of scarification, not the commercial burning and scrapings, but the ritualistic idea to just get pass the day, and to let you guys know you are not alone out there.

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 01 Jan. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: Home
Location: Dothan+Alabama

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