Scarification of a stupid band logo. ugh.
s the overall reason I chose to do this was stupid rebellion back in my 8th grade year of school, about 4 years ago. It was stupid I think, because it was of some band I loved at the time, but have since then got over. Idiot me, yay. Anyway. I remember sitting in my room one day and just thinking to myself, 'hm, what's a way I can show my love for a band'. Yeah, you're right, I was stupid, but aren't we all at times? So, I found a pin that my mom used for quilting, yeah she's a dork too, and cleaned it well. I then set off to do what I had intended to do. I made sure that I could see what I was doing because I didn't want to mess up. I will say that I was nervous because the only thing I had ever had done before was the lobes of my ears. I'm not sure how I really got this in my head to use a pin and carve some band's logo that I thought was meaningful to me into my ankle, but I did. When I finally had built up the courage to start the cutting, it actually turned into a scraping of the skin. Quite interesting, I thought. So, if a person ever tries to use pins, here's something to think about, don't. They don't work very well, at least for me they didn't, and it takes awhile to do the scarring. I figured that I would keep scraping my skin until it bled, figuring this would cause a scar. Even then, the pin didn't really do what I wanted it to do. I finally finished the logo after about 10 minutes, which isn't that long, but it kinda is for a short lettered word. That's also because I probably wanted everything to look perfect since I figured I'd have it for the rest of my life. The next day, well actually that night, I felt kind of a burning sensation. This didn't really bother me before, but it did make me think about it a lot, and probably was the cause for me to keep using the pin to scrape the scab off. So everyday when I got home from school, I would take out my 'trusty' pin and scrape away. How fun. I think I finally got bored with just scraping new skin off of the 'scab' and just stopped. About 3 months after I had stopped, I remembered the little scar and took out my pin. I think the problem is that I just get bored easily and find things to entertain myself. Apparently this was one way back then for me to cure the boredom. So again, I worked on my scar of the band logo. Surprisingly after 3 months, the so called scar was there. Kind of. Not really, but you could see it somewhat. And again, I would feel the burning sensation and think 'oh, I have to scrape that again', and I would. I think it kind of became a habit of mine. Feel the burning, scrape, feel it again, scrape again. An addiction, maybe, but I eventually stopped. I just got bored with it yet again and stopped. And now 4 years later, it's nowhere to be found. That's probably because I never really scraped that deep AND it was a small pin, so, those factors don't really help to cause the scar I wanted. At least for me they didn't. It doesn't matter all that much to me now though, because another factor I think that caused me to trying scarification is that I was deep into depression. I'm not saying that everyone that does scarification HAS depression, but for me, that was the case. Depression always causes me to do things out of the ordinary for me, and this was one of them. However, scarification is out of the way, as is depression(yay). Scarification was somehow a release for me of pain that I felt at the time, so it was a relief to have that sort of thing for me. But, the 'scar' is gone now, and I'm left with nothing but the experiance of never using a pin, that is if I ever try scarification again which I doubt, when trying to put a scar on my body.
If you do try to use a pin, and I highly recommend NOT to, just make sure you clean it every time you use that pin. Or, use a new one each time, heh. I doubt the whole way I tried to go about scarring myself was right, but that's okay, because if I had that 'scar' at this moment in time as well as later on in life, I probably wouldn't be too happy with myself.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 01 Jan. 2001