radiation (self-scarifcation via cutting)
investigating scarification for quite some time, I decided that i wanted to practice it myself. For the few years prior, I had a habit of slashing my left forearm with razor blades... so i already understood alot of how the blade felt, cut, etc. Basically, I wanted a nice, clean artistic design on the backside of my forearm, away from all the slashing scars, on untouched skin.. I drew a few ideas out on a sketch pad and then chose one; the design itself was a series of bent lines that radiated out from a central point. It looked outrageous on paper, and its even more beautiful now that it is here carved into my arm. I had second thoughts about going through with the procedure, simply because of how my friends and family would take it. I didn't want to hurt anyone but myself, but after a lengthly coversation with myself, i decided i should go ahead with it anyway. I washed my hands with rubbing alcohol (its important to clean yourself, and everything you use kids), and then covered them up with latex gloves. I had other chemicals and equipment that I used to clean and sterilize items left over from a previous habit of mine. I rubbed alcohol all over the site and actually kinda scrubbed away after i noticed that the cotton pad had come up dirty. Afterwards I took my spare utility knife blade and cleaned it off thoroughly with rubbing alcohol. Once i was convinced that everything was as clean as i needed it to be I began to draw out the design onto my soft virgin skin. I checked in the mirror and tried to imagine it as light scar tissue, to make sure, one last time, that i really wanted to go through with this. The first cut I made was fast and my arm burned from the sharp razor. I realized I'd have to cut slower and deeper to get the desired effect, so i went over it again. Instead of using the point, i used alot of the face of the blade, which worked wonderously. I spent my time on each cut, making sure to cut deep enough that the skin would part. After completing the first two lines, my work area was getting pretty messy.. I had to work holding my arm above my heart for the rest of the procedure to keep the blood from blocking my view of the cuts. I whiped away the excess blood with a clean cotton ball and dove back into the cut. I loved to watch the skin as it parted... it all reminds me of the way a jacket looks when it is being unzipped... but a little more elegant. I've always loved blood, especially my own, and before this event i hadn't cut myself and bleed significantly in a long while, so it was very much like a reunion with a lost lover... I loved feeling myself drift away The forth line was more painful than any of the others, but it was bearable, actually a little exciting. I had gotten the hang of cutting in the same exact line, which helped out alot with the quality of the actual scar that was left behind. On the first and second lines, i missed a couple of times by a few millimeters, which didn't effect the quality much at all, but its the personal knowledge that i fucked up thats discouraging. By the time i had reached my final line, I was feeling a sort of sedated euphoria, very simular to the high that I get from slashing myself when i'm depressed, but much more... clear and concise (that is the best way that i can describe it). I finished the last cut with a grin of victory on my face. to my surpise, the fruit of my labor was (and is) absolutely beautiful. After admiring my work in the mirror for a bit, I took a cotton swab soaked with alcohol and cleaned my wounds. The last thing that i wanted was a nasty infection to leave me bed-bound for a few weeks while I helplessly popped anti-biotics... (it has happened before as you probably have guessed). After i was sure the cuts were as clean as they could possibly be, I bandaged myself and went to bed. Now, as I gaze down on my baby, I can't help but smile. It looks absolutely delicious. I plan to get a mirrored design on my right forearm, but chances are that I will have get a friend, or a professional to do the job for me, because my left hand isn't very steady. Meanwhile, I think i'll let my body repair itself and prepare for the next adventure underneath a razorblade.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 03 Nov. 2000